Illustration for article titled Hoo Yeah! Peggy Hill Wants To Be Your Next Vice President

With their matching bang/bun hairdos, square frames, and tendency to talk up their strengths while displaying their weaknesses, it's easy to see why people are comparing Vice Presidential candidate Sarah Palin with the best substitute Spanish teacher in Arlen, Texas, Mrs. Peggy Hill. But appearances aside, how similar are these two women? Let's break it down, issue by issue, using real quotes from both Palin and Peggy:


Do you agree with the Bush Doctrine?

  • Sarah Palin:"In what respect?"
  • Peggy Hill: "I'm not sure what this means, but I once heard that when you're stuck in an unpleasant situation, it helps to just lie back and think of England."

Why do you feel you're the most qualified candidate, in terms of foreign policy experience?

  • SP:"You can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska, from an island in Alaska."
  • PH:"How would we rate me? I'd say, Face: A minus. Body: B... plus. Personality: A plus. Brains: A plus. So with my looks and my brains, and my muchos talentos, I should have an advantage over these bimbos!"

Do you ever worry that you might not be prepared for this position?

  • SP:"I still can't answer that question until somebody answers for me what is it exactly that the VP does every day?
  • PH:"I am field-tripping in an hour and I can't remember any good songs for the bus. What does that John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt do again?

Do you think humans have contributed to global warming?

  • SP:""A changing environment will affect Alaska more than any other state, because of our location. I'm not one, though, who would attribute it to being man-made."
  • PH: "I had no choice. You can't get anything good without chemicals. Chemicals are what keep my hair so high and brown."

Can you give me any concrete examples of your running mate's economic policies? Or concrete examples of anything, really?

  • SP:“I’ll try to find you some, and I’ll bring ‘em to ya."
  • PH:" I find that I am too busy being successful so I have trouble remembering all of my bright ideas."

Why do you think women should vote for you?

  • SP: "I was just your average hockey mom in Alaska."
  • PH:"As you can see, I do not have testicles."

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