Holy Crap, This Is a '50 Shades of Grey' Teddy Bear

I can’t believe I missed the chance to ask for this for Valentine’s Day.

This is from Vermont Teddy Bear, a company that peddles in soft, cuddly, collectible dreams. It is a teddy bear dressed in the theme of an erotic S&M themed novel. You’re welcome:

Dominate
Valentine’s Day this year. Surprise the one you can’t get enough of with
this irresistible Bear made with smoky fur and smoldering blue eyes. He
wears a handsome grey suit with silver tie, and even comes complete
with a mask and a pair of handcuffs. He’s more than 50 shades of fun,
and your Valentine can’t help but submit to loving him.

Yes, Valentine’s Day may have come and gone, but I think the timelessness of the 50 Shades of Grey sexy sex teddy bear is timeless. Eternal, in fact.

It doesn’t seem like this is an officially licensed product (it’s technically called ’50 Shades of Bear‘ because hahahahaha OK). Either way, it’s all yours $89.99.

Really. $90. For ninety-fucking-dollars you can own a bear dressed in an ill-fitting suit holding pair of handcuffs. #bargainmondays

But seriously though, LOOK AT HIS EYES, YOU GUYS. This bear has seen some shit. Some dark, dark shit.