Hollywood, Please Stop Inviting Us To Your Weddings

Illustration for article titled Hollywood, Please Stop Inviting Us To Your Weddings

Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom are getting married today after dating for approximately 8.2 seconds, and one gets the sense that the inevitable USWeekly divorce cover is on the way. But should we be so cynical?


Well, yeah, kind of. As I noted earlier in this morning's Dirt Bag, Kardashian and her sisters have earned over one million dollars over the past few months, thanks mostly to Khloe's wedding and Kourtney's pregnancy. Khloe and Kourtney have been particularly visible over the past few months, which makes me laugh, as I secretly think they're on a neverending mission to upstage Kim, who is clearly the Marcia Brady of the fam.

The Kardashians, despite what you may think of them based on their various reality shows, aren't idiots when it comes to working the system: Khloe's wedding has been breathlessly followed by celebrity magazines who will jump on anything remotely wedding related, no matter who is involved, and they're willing to shill out the money to get their hands on the prized pictures of Khloe's ring, or her rehearsal dinner, or her floral arrangement, or what have you. It helps that she's marrying LA Lakers star Lamar Odom, but seriously, my toothbrush could be getting married to my shoe, and as long as they were once featured on a reality show, they'd probably get a front page post on USWeekly's site. Don't believe me? The top headline on People magazine's site right this moment is an exclusive about the wedding of American Idol runner up Justin Guarini. Stop the presses!

It's irritating to me that dumb celebrity weddings are still the money makers they were a few years ago, that even in a recession people are willing to pay for shots of a D-list reality star cutting a cake and showing off her enormous ring. It's also irritating to me that Kardashian spoke out against Prop 8 but seemingly has no issues with making her wedding the biggest deal ever.

On the other hand, it's also irritating to me that I've been programmed to yell "Fake!" whenever something like this comes around (or that I care at all) , and that despite Kardashian and Odom's claims that they are happy and in love, I see it all as a dumb stunt that, if it goes according to the D-List celebrity playbook, will just end up another high profile celebrity divorce that's played out for cash, much like Page Six and TMZ are reporting Kardashian's wedding will be. Maybe I'm wrong and they'll live happily ever after. But at a time when the country is dealing with a recession and when people are denied the right to marry, I'm getting a little sick of being invited to the extravagant and doomed weddings of reality stars. I know we all need to escape into the absurd once in a while, but I think it may be time to start rejecting these invitations.

It's Not Too Late To Turn Over Prop 8!!! [Khloe Kardashian]
American Idol's Justin Guarini Marches Down The Aisle [People]
No Keeping Up With Their $$ [PageSix]
Lamar Wants Prenup, But There's A Problem [TMZ]



Has anyone else noticed that this wedding- and baby-industrial complex has led to an obnoxiously large obsession with these things in the world at large? When I told my boss that I needed time of for my sister's wedding, a coworker looked at me pityingly and said, "oh... your younger sister?" She then printed off some forward about how womankind is a tree, and the most wonderful fruit is at the top of the tree. This fruit thinks it's bad because none of the men are picking it, when really, it takes an extra-special man to reach up and grab it. She left this forward on my desk. Classy.

Dear World: I do not want babies. I do not want to be married. This is not a defect, and it is not because I have not "met the right man." You make your life choices, and I'll make mine. Now move along.