Holler Of Fame: Catcalls We Can Get Behind

Holler Season Is Here! Which means: you get to be racist now! Wait, what? No, really! "Raging feminist" Kimberly Klinger, a white Washington D.C. resident who chronicled her every catcall for an entire year (whoa! dumb book deal alert!) for a piece in this week's Washington City Paper, says so!

I consider myself noncrazy. So I'm extra-embarrassed that I "hate" the immigrants in my neighborhood. (The neighborhood I'm gentrifying—but, hey, that's another issue.)


Right, back to the important part: how to fight back. Kim suggests loud mock kissy sounds and copious bird-flipping and we kind of think she needs to get laid because hollers not only provide a useful if superficial sense of assuagement of the gentrification guilt we felt in the first place, they occasionally yield such gems as: "Someone call Tyra, there goes America's next top model!" (Target: Jennie. Funnier because: Catholic school uniforms.)
Which is to say, it's what, at most five seconds of discomfort for a lifetime of funny stories? We have fucked dudes to achieve the same result! After the jump, our faves.

  • "Why you walkin so fast? We don't hurt white people in this neighborhood!" Harlem.
  • "Hey mami!" Brooklyn, by a seven year old, which is why it comes to mind. More creepy than funny, perhaps, but still.
  • Man: "Hey light skin!" Man's friend: "She ain't light skinned, she's white!"
  • "Oooh I wanna knock you up so bad, baby..." Philly.
  • White homeless man in Philadelphia to black girl: "I want to eat your chocolate insides, you want my white chocolate?"
  • "Is your hair real?"
  • "Uhhhh....uhhhhh...oh yeah." Midtown. (Anna: "The thing that was uncomfortable about this one was that in the space of two or three seconds it really took you into the experience of what it would be like to fuck him. Which was kind of gross."
  • "You look like Scarlett Johansson." (Very, very false in this case.)
  • And, that's right, we want to hear yours!

Diary of a Catcall Hater [Washington City Paper]

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I live in DC and have been getting harassed on the street since I was 12 years old.

When I was 14 I was waiting at a bus stop and a man slowed down his car when he drove by me. He circled around a few times and then parked. He walked over and proceeded to tell me how sexy I looked, stare me up and down, and then say he could be my boyfriend. He had to be at LEAST in his 30s. He said he would take to me the mall and buy me everything I wanted. And kept talking to me until the bus came.

I don't understand why men do this fucking KIDS.

I'm 18 now and I get yelled and honked at on the street every day. This shouldn't be taken as some kind of weird compliment because it happens to girls here no matter what they look like. Men have slowed there cars down and tried to get me to come inside. I usually just ignore it. I don't even look in a harassers direction anymore. The other night a guy got angry at this and said "What you don't got a tongue?!" Asshole.

A few weeks ago I was in Chinatown doing some shopping. Just as I was about to get on an escalator going down into the subway, I felt something grab my ass. I turned around and there were two young black teens laughing. I completely lost all composure here. I turned around and yelled WHAT THE FUCK. That's when their smiles disappeared. They turned around and ran. But I wasn't going to let them get away with it! I chased them down the block on a VERY crowded sidewalk. They ended up running into a Chinese restaurant to hide. Just as I figured they weren't going to come out and that maybe I should just let it go, a cop car pulled up in front of the restaurant (there's a police station right next to it). Two police officers stepped and I approached one of them and told them what happened. A few minutes later, the two teens non-chalantly came out of the restaurant and the cops stopped them. I then very loudly started screaming at them, asking them why they thought they could do that, how that was in any way appropriate, and that they NEED to have respect for woman.

They were pretty ashamed. Staring at the floor. And then the cops took them inside the police station where they called their parents who had to pick them up.