Hiney Pumpin': "We Researched, We Studied, We Bought Supplies."

First up is our winner for the positive experience. Ladies, meet Ali. Ali likes to talk like Robert Evans but let’s not let that get in the way of her positive Hiney Pumpin’ experience. Take it away, Ali.

My first time …

Let me start by being brutally honest: anal sex scared the shit (ha!) out of me. The idea of having something three times the size of a large poo going up my butt, when those large poo’s in and of themselves sometimes left me hurting — well, it just wasn’t for me. Add to that the fact that my ex had tried — quit unsuccessfully — to stick various objects up there, thinking, perhaps, I wouldn’t notice, and I was completely turned off.

Enter my now-husband. A lover, and a fighter — he wanted me to experience what he thought I would truly enjoy, so long as we did so with enough prep and practice. So, like college students getting ready for a final, we researched, we studied, we even bought supplies. And, one night, after two percocet and a few shots of vodka, we succeeded.

Uncomfortable? At first.

Orgasm? Almost immediate.

Repeat performance? Of course.

The only down side was the fact that for the next few hours, every time I had to fart I ran to the bathroom, thinking something would slide out. And a few times, something did.

A few tips: lay down a towel. It gets messy, no matter what you do before hand to wipe, cleanse and douche. I’ve read some of the commenters say to not using the warming lube, so try the cooling. Use a vibrator to stimulate the clit — then you aren’t focusing on the times it does get uncomfortable, and you won’t clench, causing your man to flinch, and maybe stick it in further.

First time? Success.

Fear of the post-pumpin’ fart seems to be a common theme. And why do I still wince when girls say “clit”? Can’t ever shake that.