Hillary Holds Reporters Hostage To Terrible Jokes In Gas-Guzzling Hell Force One

Illustration for article titled Hillary Holds Reporters Hostage To Terrible Jokes In Gas-Guzzling Hell Force One

Look, it's some jerk with an iPhone taking a picture of Hillary Clinton! I wish all the photos were taken with iPhones. No one can hold them still, especially people who get the shakes, which brings us to, oh yes, the "bumpy" Hill Force One voyage from Vegas to Reno yesterday. Holding reporters captive to something we'll call "hillmour," the junior senator from New York, presidential candidate and writer of a well-received book on White House pets got on the PA and said in her most stewardesscent cadence: "FAA regulations prohibit the use of any cell phones, blackberries, or wireless devices that may be used to transmit a negative story about me." And: "in the event of an unexpected drop in poll numbers, this plane will be diverted to New Hampshire." And "if you look out from the right, you will see an America saddled with tax cuts for the wealthiest and a war without end. If you look out from the left, you will see an America with a strong middle class at home and a strong reputation in the world." Wait, does that even make sense? ALERT THE AIR MARSHALLS. EVACUATE! How that and other ill-advised jokes of the day could have actually been funny after the jump.


MOE: All right so Hillary as flight attendant. Did this story leave you chuckling, or cringing?
MEGAN: I guess I'm sort of hoping it was funnier at the time? Because it wasn't funny in print, like, at all.
And I sort of cringed a little. I'll bet none of the other candidates play at being a flight attendant.
MOE: So yeah, not funny. I'm trying to think what WOULD have been funny, like if she'd gone on the speaker and stared whispering "Insha allah" over and over again like the Egypt Air Pilot, and like, that's funny in my head, but I don't think even Barry Hussein could pull that off. Hillary def not.
MEGAN: Actually, that would've been hilariously funny to me.
MOE: So moving on, renaming the White House the Black House...was that funny? Because I don't think so, but the story was more amusing than the Hillary as flight attendant story DEF.
And that's when you wonder about whether the MSM is telling you the truth. Like, did reporters really laugh at the Hillary stunt? And did all those white people really gasp in revulsion when that white guy said they'd be renaming the White House? Because I almost think that that's the sort of joke where you have to be sorta-racist to be truly "offended."
MEGAN: I mean, I feel almost like that was part of the very old Chapelle skit about the first black President, and it might have been funny then. Having an old white dude say it makes it not funny in and of itself, but it makes the kind of racist white dude funny as in ha-ha, check out the old dude telling racist jokes.
Also, I too doubt the room gasped, unless there were minorities present. It sounds like a pretty white, old crowd, so then it's either them being PC because of the politicos there or the one person of color in the room.
And I'll better the reporters laughed because they had to.
At Hillary, I mean.
MOE: Yeah, I mean, I guess it's so Chappellian that maybe that's coloring (UGH) my visualization of how it went down. Like if he is a racist who truly believes the White House should be occupied solely by white dudes, well, that's more an opportunity to groan and throw hors d'eourves at him.
MEGAN: I just wouldn't throw bacon-wrapped scallops at him, because I wouldn't want to waste them. Mmmm. Yummy.
MOE: I can't think of bacon-wrapped scallops without thinking of my kosher ex-boyfriend's face upon seeing something like that at a party he'd come to REALLY HUNGRY.
Wait, you know what he should have done though? He should have said, "And if Monica was on the ballott, then we'd have to rename it the BRICK HOUSE. And if Mizz Julia was on the ballot, we could rename it the..." A little stamina and that Denver fucktard could be a Youtube sensation right now. Which brings me to: does Obama even have sufficient negritude to oversee the first Black House ??
Sorry, just had to reference that.
MEGAN: I'm gonna guess that they're the type of people who subscribe to the bullshit "one drop" theory of race in which one can only be insufficiently white.
MOE: "All he needs is one drop." Hey, campaign song!
Okay um another thing, did anything substantive actually happen? Because this Christian right former congressman terror indictment shit is like a better story than Charlie Wilson's War, so what the fuck is it doing on A3? What do they, have something against the JUSTICE DEPARTMENT over there?

After his first House election in 1981, Siljander said he thought he won because he often wore a "Jesus First" button and because "God wanted me in."

MEGAN: Also, is it ironic or just funny that he was Mr Right Wing Christian Nutbar and now he's a shill lobbyist who took money from terrorists?
MOE: His grandfather takes credit for inventing the mechanical pencil but he probably didn't. Just like a terrorist!
MEGAN: Also, and I'm just putting this out there right now, I'll be damned if I can find a lobbyist registration for him in the Senate's system or a Foreign Agent registration for him any more recent than 1992
(Though, my name's spelled wrong once in the lobbying database, so....)
But I'm suggesting the charges he's facing might not be the only ones.
MOE: The assistant attorney general Kenny Wainstein that is mentioned in that article totally grew up in my neighborhood. His mom totally worked at one of those charities that tries to bridge gaps between christians and jews and probably muslims too who knows. I wrapped gifts and sorted food for her! I don't know where this is going though. OH yes I do. Terror suspect #2 of the day. Or should I say, 007. Because he liked Osama almost as much as he liked Bond movies. Chew on THAT, Tom Friedman! Anyway, what is wrong with this poor kid's face?
MEGAN: Looks to me like the "face" of terrorism in Britain: try to wipe Western culture from the Earth and the bobbies will get all American on your face about it.



@FloraWay: The first time that Wonkette linked to the same clip, it was in one of their little round-ups and they described it, thusly;

"Barry Obama understands how the American political landscape has changed over the past 40 years and there's just no excuse for that. You simply can't rationalize away his articulating what a college freshman learns in a basic political science class."

So, no, he doesn't really say anything stupid on the video. Though, I haven't watched the longer version with the whole interview, so I don't know what else he says and I'm only judging the contents of this one clip.