Highlights From Shannen Doherty's Vanity Project/Self-Help Book

Shannen Doherty’s “badass” evolution has been a vital experience for her and she felt it was important enough to share her enlightenment in a book, which includes a list of her favorite lipstick shades.

Unfortunately, in the nearly 300 pages she never gives juicy anecdotes about the supposed behind-the-scenes animosity on the set of 90210, her brief marriages to Ashley Hamilton and Rick Solomon (hello, sex tape scandal!), or her alleged feud with Paris Hilton. Instead, she intentionally sidesteps everything interesting to write a pseudo self-help book, that includes cliched, unessential life advice, recipes, inane lists of her favorite things, and a poem.

In the intro, she explains why this book is lame:

What I don’t like are “tell-all” books, because they are often untrue. In fact, if I was not an authentic badass I would name one right now. To me, they sem to be nothing more than a long list of excuses for how the person went wrong. How boring! Do people really care about their excuses for bad behavior? Really?

Yes! Yes we do! You’d think that after years of bitching about tabloid coverage of her personal life, she’d realize that people care about that crap. Still, even though she says she doesn’t want to just give “excuses” that’s exactly what she does, minus the interesting parts.

Back in my Brenda Walsh days, when I was shooting Beverly Hills, 90210, I was definitely a major bad girl, but I never really thought of myself as being a bitch. I know that will probably make a lot of people howl, but it’s true. To me, a bitch is a person who is intentionally malicious and manipulative, and I was never that. My intent was never to hurt another human being.
The truth of the matter is that I was screwed up. I wasn’t facing my issues, and as a result, I acted out in all the wrong ways. I may have thought I was a badass, but I wasn’t. It would be years before I could claim that title, before I could really own who I truly was, before I really knew who I truly was.

In case you are as interested in Shannen as she is in herself, here is a list of her favorite lipstick shades:

“Badass Lipstick Shades”
1. Mac Russian Red
2. Chanel Provocative
3. Bobbi Brown Silver Haze
4. Revlon Black
5. MAC Bombshell
6. Chanel Crazed
7. Chanel Mystery
8. L’Oréal Divine Wine
9. MAC Dare You
10. Nars Orgasm

Shannen also gives a list of her favorite nail polish shades, but what I found most ridiculous was her list of favorite “baddass” dog breeds. I scanned this one in, in case you thought this might be a joke.

And then there’s the poem:

Becoming a badass has given
Me the ability to break free
Of my insecurities.

Becoming a badass has given
Me the confidence to live my
Life in full authenticity.

Becoming a badass allows
Me to be completely and
Always true to myself,
Which is the key to being
Artistically, emotionally, and
Intellectually free.

Becoming a badass means
Becoming the best you can be.
Straight up and straight ahead.
Stick with me and you’ll see.

But really, this passage, in a section titled “Badass Gals Give It Up!” is the icing on this pile of dog shit she’s trying to pass as cake (or you know, “advice”):

Remember that part in the Sex and the City movie when Miranda talks about her husband cheating on her? She didn’t understand why, but they hadn’t had sex in forever. My friend had this same conversation with me about her relationship: he has strayed; he cheated on me; he seems to have lost interest.” I then found out that she hadn’t given it up to him in months! Granted, there is no good reason or excuse for cheating—and it is usually an indication that there is a much larger issue in the relationship than lack of sex—but why hold out on your man? I am of the mind that if your man is satisfied at home, he will not stray.