Vote 2020 graphic
Everything you need to know about and expect during
the most important election of our lifetimes

Hey, How Come My Deep Existential Torment Never Got Me Laid?

Illustration for article titled Hey, How Come iMy/i Deep Existential Torment Never Got Me Laid?

The economic crisis is driving college students like the stud in the picture to seek degrees in philosophy. "That whole deep existential torment...It's good for getting girlfriends." Hey, how come my existential torment never got me laid? And philosophy, why no chicks in that field? (Wait, I bet the fact that I am already bored with myself for even thinking to write another "look, another ugly gender double standard REARS ITS SINISTER HEAD!" post might lead us to an answer!) Anyway, Jessica agreed with me that dudes aren't into existentially tormented girls. "No, they're not. They're into ethereal girls. They don't want anyone to steal their ego-thunder and existentially tormented women have their own ego thunder to contend with. They like those retarded floaty types." But then I asked the dudes. Turns out they have all been sucked in by the female existential torment!


"Sooo, sad girls? of course. that was my jam when i was younger. i think i thought sad = smart," said Don. Added Alex helpfully: "Well, troubled + hot = hotter." And Jeff: "Hmmm, kind of. i think a lot of people think they're gonna be the "solver" of problems. usually you learn after a little interaction that you're just gonna get to witness." Right. And you can't do anything about them. Because human life is meaningless. to hook up with chicks who don't bother worrying about all that? Fuck if I know, but I think I just got bored with my own torment.

In A New Generation Of College Students, Many Opt For The Life Examined [NYT] (Btw, far be it from me, but I don't think this story is actually supported by any real data, not that it matters, especially considering we don't even know why we're here.)
Bonus: Something on Sartre and de Beauvoir for your pointless enjoyment [Literary Review]

Share This Story

Get our newsletter



@meaghan2k: I hate Hume, but for reasons completely unrelated to him (mainly). I took a philosophy course in high school. The teacher JUST didn't like me for some reason (maybe because I called bullshit on him the semester before when he claimed, in all seriousness, to have been "self-actualized, even though only about 5% of people ever are"... yeah.) So I had handed in my bibliography the week before the project was due, so I didn't think I had to hand it in with the final paper. My note on the paper when returned: "Good paper, I'd say A-/B+, but then I'd just be giving you too high a grade because it needs a bibliography." He took off 30 points and I got an F. To this day, that man (and David Hume) is on my shit list.