Well, technically he was covered in a chocolate brown suit. But a gal can dream! The premiere of Gangster Squad took place at Grauman's Chinese Theatre in Hollywood, California, and while some of the big guns were dressed appropriately for the Tinseltown event, others suffered a misfire. Shall we take a look?
Sean Penn's ensemble is very I-just-stopped-by-on-my-way-back-to-Haiti.
Josh Brolin's brown suit is a little crinkled — the price you pay for sharkskin? Those hand gestures mean "I have totally sobered up, do you want to come over and watch Goonies?"
Hanging out with these two would be fun, until you needed a liver transplant.
Wow, 22 years after Terminator 2 I am realizing Robert Patrick is hot? Wish that jacket fit better and that tie were narrower.
Actor Austin Abrams keeps it simple.
Danny Masterson's look is very I'm-working-on-my-novel-in-between-hitting-on-grad-students.
Russell Brand is dressed like that one friend you have who is glamourous and fun but always shows up late and/or drunk or has lost his keys and/or his phone and/or needs to borrow $100 and/or laughs too loud and too long and at one time all of his antics were super charming but now you've grown weary of how consistently inconsistent he is.
Behold the handsome Anthony Mackie, one of the few gentlemen here who is actually properly dapper. That three-piece glen plaid suit is sharp as a knife. Add a pinned collar dress shirt — contrast collar, at that — and a hot watch, and you're winning the game.
Nice try award goes to Josh Pence. Excellent work, it's just that Mr. Mackie steals your thunder.
Giovanni Ribisi does classic Hollywood slick.
Digging T.I.'s prep-hop outfit, although the untied laces are bothersome. And: Proving that vests are really and truly A Thing — producer Dan Lin .
Here's Nick Nolte, looking like the frustrated guest who has begrudgingly left the hotel room only because he kept calling room service and no one picked up.
Abigail Spencer — who played Miss Farrell on Mad Men — does that impossibly pretty/sweet/ethereal/delicate thing IRL with an embroidered ivory gown, lace-accented heels and fresh, dewy makeup. Fantastic lashes.
Though we've grown weary of illusion lace/mesh cutouts on gowns, Mireille Enos looks smashingly regal in slinky snow white.
Also in white, but with luxe leathery accents: Actress Ambyr Childers.
Kim Raver, ravishing in red. In theory plastic accents on heels are a bad idea; here it works somehow, especially if you don't get too close.
Emma Stone kicked the red up a notch to spicy tabasco sauce.
Fiery jewels, hot heels, smoky eyes — it works. Burning up.
Scorcher.
So here's your chocolate-covered boyfriend Ryan Gosling, with his date, your future mother-in-law, Donna Gosling. I feel I have to think of this suit as being chocolate-colored because otherwise I will start to think of it as being dog doo-colored. Maybe it's fudge? Ochre? Sienna? Loam? Open to non-scatalogical suggestions.
Be tee dubs, your boyfriend has questionable taste in footwear.
That said, who gives a chocolate-colored crap about his shoes when THAT FACE is all wine me dine me sixty-nine me.
Mmm, why yes, waitress, I did order a mouth-watering sandwich. Thank you.
Images via Getty.