Here's What to Expect From the Upcoming Entourage Movie

Illustration for article titled Here's What to Expect From the Upcoming Entourage Movie

Yeeeeah! Oh, yeah! Today in your dreams coming true, the Entourage movie has been officially green lit. Are you excited? You're excited, aren't you? Vinny's gonna do the movie, you guys! LLOYD, GET IN HERE. VIN'S GONNA DO THE MOVIE.


Admittedly, I was a casual watcher of Entourage for most of its eight seasons and, quite frankly, it was never a very good show. Still, it was what it was — a more poorly written, straight dude version of Sex and the City. It was escapism, it was brain candy, it was — in Entourage order of value and importance — parties, cars, sneakers and women. It was stupid and formulaic, but, then again, if you expected anything more, you were pretty stupid, too.

Seeing how all of the seasons of Entourage followed pretty much the exact same plot line (Vince's career is headed down the toilet, Ari pulls off some angry agent magic, Vince's career is saved, Turtle wears a hat), it will be interesting (and when I say interesting, what I mean is "not that interesting") to see how they flesh out the show's concept into a tight, two-hour movie. There have been no announcements so far on the film's plot, but, since you're asking, we definitely have some ideas.

  • E and Sloane's baby gets dissed by Zuma Stefani-Rossdale in play group and can't figure out why. Turns out that Bronx Wentz has been spreading lies about him behind his back. They get in a baby fist fight at the hottest ball pit in LA.
  • Turtle teams up with Flo Rida on a line of steering wheel covers to be sold at Hot Topics everywhere. Flo Rida gets booked on a last minute tour and has to pull out of the deal. Turtle gets funded by TI instead.
  • Vince fucks Twilight's Ashley Greene.
  • Vince fucks Hayden Panettiere.
  • Vince fucks the ghost of Bea Arthur, makes the mistake of falling in love.
  • Ari gets arrested for a hate crime, continues to work from prison.
  • Billy Walsh approaches Vince with a risky script about a guy who gets blowjobs all day. At the same time, Michael Bay approaches him with a sure-to-be blockbuster called Victoria's Secret Models Wash Cars for 90 Minutes. Vince has to choose between art and money.
  • He does not have to choose. Vince does both, becomes the most successful and revered actor on the planet.
  • Drama gets in a terrible car accident and is turned into a vegetable. The boys have to debate whether or not to take him off life support and who will inherit his pool table.

This movie writes itself! See you at the box office!



Ari gets arrested for a hate crime, continues to work from prison.

I would actually pay to see this.