Here's the Amazing Glenn Beck Film Noir You Never Asked For

It’s a good day for appreciators of True Art. Conservative radio host Glenn Beck has taken another incredible step towards becoming one of the most promising and exciting performance artists in the world with his latest project, a modern day film noir so fraught with social and political commentary that it makes The Postman Always Rings Twice and Double Indemnity look like cinematic garbage.

It was mere months ago that Beck wowed us with a brave and incendiary piece that involved watching him play with dolls for 10 minutes, making his return to the art world all the more thrilling. How did he come up with more fully developed work so quickly? And more importantly: When will he get a MoMA retrospective and how long will the lines be to get in?

Beck’s film noir tells the story of a man named Lucky and a legless prostitute named Charlie (spoiler alert: they end up together). Somehow, he then manages to tie in Obama’s MyRAs, but that’s superfluous, really. Mostly, I think the whole thing was just an excuse to complain about how “dames” can’t light a cigarette the right way.