A woman gave birth to a baby on public transit in Philadelphia on Christmas Day. It was a miracle in itself that it A. happened and B. happened on the Southeastern Pennsylvania Transit Authority (SEPTA), which looks substantially cleaner than any or all of the trains currently running through New York State.

But also, the train was insanely crowded, and that's where this special little Kodak moment comes in: Philly native Hassan Malik was sitting right behind the woman as she was having the baby, and snapped the pic below (which is a picture of a woman giving birth, so scroll accordingly!) with the appropriately giddy caption, "HOOOLY FUCK. THIS LADY JUST GAVE BIRTH IN FRONT OF ME ON THE EL TRAIN. EVRYONE IS CRYING. MERRY XMASS PHILLY!" His photo:

Malik, the leader for country-punk band Sunny Ali & the Kid, was just one of many witnesses to the surprise. According to reports, though, at first passengers were pretty wary of the seemingly random woman on the train screaming and moaning for no apparent reason. The louder the screams got, the further they slowly crept away, no doubt avoiding all eye contact as well, just in case. It wasn't until she was like, "PHILLY, MY BABY IS COMING!" that people realized she needed help with childbirth:

The people around the woman helped her husband lay her across the train seats, with one fellow passenger cradling her head and whispering reassuringly.

As the train's brakes screeched into the 15th Street berth, another birth was imminent.

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Ughhhhh, that pun. Continuing on:

It was about that time that Transit Police Sgt. Daniel Caban was standing at 15th and Market.

He was biding his time, making sure that everything was going smoothly on his quiet Christmas shift, thinking of his wife and daughter at home.

A passer-by told him that a woman was going into labor on the El.

So Caban started walking down to the platform. When he was halfway there, another commuter stopped him.

" 'Hey, there's a lady giving birth on that train,' " he was told.

"At that point, I just told everyone to 'get your gloves on,' " Caban said.

Get your gloves on! Take charge, Sgt. Caban. With help from the passengers and transit authorities alike, the woman successfully birthed her entire actual baby on the train seats, her husband at her side. He was a healthy baby boy who, according to Ali, "popped into their hands."

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According to CBS Philly, mother and child—named Chris, for Christmas—are in the hospital and doing fine. According to Malik, he would like 2014 to tone it the hell down: