Here It Is: The Most Awful Profile On Tinder

If you understand awful to mean douchiest, which this is, by the way. Go home, everyone else wearing too much Acqua Di Gio; the position has been filled.

It’s possible, reports Death and Taxes, that this profile is a fake, but I can’t shake the idea that there are men out there who believe that the only thing they need to do to get women on Tinder to swipe positively (I always get my rights and lefts mixed up) is a fat bank account. Although, I mean $127,000? That’s not really that much money, is it? In today’s economy? Why, I remember when $127K could buy you a modest-sized apartment. What’s this guy gonna buy with his money? A venti Pumpkin Spice latte? Maybe just post your picture, Brandon, because in the immortal words of Shania Twain: “That don’t impress me much.” (You’re not even a rocket scientist, Brandon.) (Wait, that’s a business account? NVM, this just got worse. Meanwhile, I forgot to cash a check and am now so broke I am eating stale Rice Krispies, sooooo…)

Update: Allegedly, this is the rest of the bio, according to comments! Before he turned 29!