What was in the forefront of your mind while reading the Hunger Games? Let's say it together: "HOW DO I GET HUNGER GAMES SKINNY?" Luckily, the folks over at Daily Burn have created a Hunger Games workout regimen just for the thousands (millions, probably) of people like us who want to become "an archer like Katniss or a powerhouse like Cato." The exercises include a lot of squats and lunges for core and leg strength, as well as an "Eat for Survival" diet plan, but there's so much they've left out! Once again, it falls on us to do it better.
Here is the Unofficial Hunger Games Exercise and Weight Loss Plan:
- District 12 isn't real. Instead, move to a deindustrialized coal town in the Ozarks where food and happiness are scarce. Learn to hunt, but don't get too good at it! Remember, you want to get thin and a propensity for missing your target can only help.
- You may not be able to find tracker jackers, but you can find good old-fashioned bees. Let them sting you until your throat closes up. It's as good as a jaw wiring, though you will likely die.
- Put on the most beautiful dress you can find, cover yourself in gasoline, then light yourself on fire. Not only will this make you like Katniss, the Girl on Fire, but it will also make you burn mega carbs as you run around screaming for help.
- With the help of a partner, set up a reward system for food. The only time you get a snack is when you A.) outrun a pack of dogs or B.) kiss a boy in a cave.
- Live in a constant state of fear. Not only will all your hair fall out (gah, hair weight), but you will always have worried diarrhea— a great way to cut down on bloating and shed fast pounds!
Couple these suggestions with those of the Daily Burn and you should be fighting fit before you can say "Seneca Crane." Maybe, if you get skinny enough, you can fit into your Hunger Games wedding dress at your Hunger Games wedding.
See you at the
bee hospital movies!
Finally, the Hunger Games Workout You've Been Waiting For [Vanity Fair]