Hells Bells

Illustration for article titled Hells Bells

Hoo boy: douchebag and possible murderer Drew Peterson has gotten engaged to a 23-year-old woman from Illinois, making this (potentially) Peterson's fifth marriage. He is still legally married to his missing wife, Stacy. [Chicago Sun-Times]


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Okay, okay maybe this is an elaborate plot to do the douchenozzle in. The 23 year old is the long lost secret half sister one removed of Stacy. The new girl marries him and slowly poisons him, Heathers style, with Drano. When he finally drops dead no one investigates because who gives a fuck then they all spit on his grave and dance. The end.