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Heidi Montag Shows How To Pretend You've Accidentally Lost Your Bikini Top For The Paparazzi

An insightful lesson, in eight steps.

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Step One: Feign innocence.
"I am just admiring this beautiful ocean."

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Step Two: Pretend to test the water.
"Just a little squat. Feels nice."

Illustration for article titled Heidi Montag Shows How To Pretend Youve Accidentally Lost Your Bikini Top For The Paparazzi

Step Three: Express shock.
"OH MY GOODNESS WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT I MEAN THESE WAVES ARE NOT REALLY EVEN THAT HIGH."

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Step Four: Step back and assess.
"Did that look believable? Should I try again? Perhaps I should try again, this time looking down instead of away."

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Step Five: Try again, tweaking your technique.
"OH MERCY WHAT IS THIS? THE WATER IS WET AND MY TOP SEEMS TO BE SLIPPING! WHATEVER SHALL I DO?"

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Step Six: Milk it. [No pun intended.]
"AND LOOK HERE COMES ANOTHER WAVE, WHICH, WHILE SMALL, WILL SURELY TEAR MY TOP RIGHT OFF!"

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Step Seven: Go for broke.
"See how I — I mean the waves — pulled my top right off? Amazing! Are you getting this? I turned toward the camera yet strategically covered my nipple so you would get something usable. In Touch will probably print this."

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Step Eight: Flee.
"Thanks, we'll have a new stunt next week! Byeee!"

[Costa Rica, September 10. Images via Pacific Coast News Online.]

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DISCUSSION

lady-rainicorn
lady rainicorn

Is it me or does her face look...kind of back to how it used to be? I mean, it could be that she's sans makeup, but still...