Heidi Montag Explains What It's Really Like Having Breast Implants

Illustration for article titled Heidi Montag Explains What Its iReally/i Like Having Breast Implants

There is much we didn't know about Heidi Montag that we learned in the February Maxim (i.e. this re her album "I'm taking my time to make sure it's a classic....I want to be like Michael Jackson, Madonna, Stevie Wonder — all the greats.") But the most interesting revelation was surely this quote, re how breast implants have changed sex with (EWWW) Spencer:

I get a better ab workout now because it's like there are two weights on my chest. That makes it both easier and harder.

Ha ha, harder, such a comedienne, Heid! But seriously, this story made me realize that I'd never actually put myself in Heidi's tits before. What's it like to have the country's new most popular cosmetic surgery. Is it an around-the-clock abdominal workout? Did you know that it doesn't necessarily ruin your chances of breast-feeding? No really, Brooke Burke allegedly does it!

Seriously though, I think it's obvious what I'm doing here, Jezebreasts: fishing for your fake titstimonials; your saline solutions. Surely you have a friend who has, for whatever dumb reason, gotten fake tits. Or do you? I actually know more people who have converted to Islam than I do people who have gotten fake tits. And I know one person who has converted to Islam. Not that I am drawing comparisons, just saying.

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One of my friends had a reduction, where they really mess with your junk, and she can still breast feed. And everybody I know with fake ones look stupid. They are all like D's or larger, which isn't in line with the rest of their body, so they look like cartoons.