Heidi Montag Explains What It's Really Like Having Breast Implants

Illustration for article titled Heidi Montag Explains What Its iReally/i Like Having Breast Implants

There is much we didn't know about Heidi Montag that we learned in the February Maxim (i.e. this re her album "I'm taking my time to make sure it's a classic....I want to be like Michael Jackson, Madonna, Stevie Wonder — all the greats.") But the most interesting revelation was surely this quote, re how breast implants have changed sex with (EWWW) Spencer:

I get a better ab workout now because it's like there are two weights on my chest. That makes it both easier and harder.

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Ha ha, harder, such a comedienne, Heid! But seriously, this story made me realize that I'd never actually put myself in Heidi's tits before. What's it like to have the country's new most popular cosmetic surgery. Is it an around-the-clock abdominal workout? Did you know that it doesn't necessarily ruin your chances of breast-feeding? No really, Brooke Burke allegedly does it!

Seriously though, I think it's obvious what I'm doing here, Jezebreasts: fishing for your fake titstimonials; your saline solutions. Surely you have a friend who has, for whatever dumb reason, gotten fake tits. Or do you? I actually know more people who have converted to Islam than I do people who have gotten fake tits. And I know one person who has converted to Islam. Not that I am drawing comparisons, just saying.

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DISCUSSION

theroo
Rooo sez BISH PLZ

@incurable paranoiac: Yes they are gendered as well as racial. I've thought from time to time about a rhinoplasty, in part b/c my sinuses suck, in part b/c — much like Ashlee Simpson, remember her? — I got my DAD's nose instead of my mom's.

Now, my dad is hot, but you never heard a man refuse to date a woman because "her nose was to big"?

Come on.

(The irony is that my mom loves my nose and thinks hers is too flat, but whatevs. Everyone else thinks it is the perfect feminine nose.)