On April of 2014, rapper Andre “Christ Bearer” Johnson cut off his penis and jumped off a second-story balcony while high on PCP. In the past year, the penis—thank you for asking—has been reattached and Johnson ;););) has reflected on his actions and arrived at the conclusion that cutting off his penis and jumping off a balcony was probably a mistake.
JUST KIDDING. He’s actually thrilled with himself!
“I did cut a lot of my penis off. Due to the fact that it’s not a myth, the black man do — I’m not really going to go into it too much — we hangin’, so I’m still able to work with what I’m able to work with, and get it down,” he told VladTV.
“I’m the only man ever did what the fuck I did, and I’m proud of it,” he added. “Because why? In the annals of history, I don’t think you got anybody who ever did it. I might’ve made the biggest mistake ever in history. But I’m proud of that.”
Whatever gives you confidence, Andre!
While we’re on the topic of dicks, here’s some news about the Duggars! In Touch has revealed that off-duty cops in Tontitown, Arkansas—where the Duggars live—have been hired to guard the family despite the police department’s ongoing investigation on them. “Emails obtained exclusively by In Touch through a Freedom of Information Act request reveal that the interim police chief of Tontitown OKed the off-duty work,” the tabloid reports. [In Touch]
Amber Heard—dog smuggler, Johnny Depp marry-er, and rumored actress—opened up to The Times about being bisexual, saying, “I don’t want to have to deny my sexuality in order to be me. But I don’t want to have to be defined by it. I’m fundamentally opposed to trying to edit myself to be palatable or popular. I don’t give a fuck. I fight, but I shouldn’t have to.” Okie doke! [US Weekly]
- “Man, you know, I don’t plan relationships. They just happen...It’s no mistakes in life, though — only lessons,” says Big Sean about his time with famous baby Ariana Grande. [ONTD]
- Dylan and Cole Sprouse, twins who have appeared on television, played a little switcheroo prank at their college graduation.[US Weekly]
- Naya Rivera, a pregnant woman, sat in the sun. [Too Fab]
- Despite what you may have heard, Selena Gomez did not fake her relationship with Zedd for publicity, which is why she is still talking about it publicly. [Gossip Cop]
- She also didn’t fake eating ice cream with Cody Simpson, so don’t you dare say that she did! [OK!]
- While all this other dumb shit was happening, Lupita Nyong’o has been saving elephants in Kenya. [People]
Images via Facebook and Getty.
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