Having A Gay Husband Is Kind Of…Queer

Last night, BBC America aired the documentary My Husband Is Gay. I thought it would be about straight women and gay men who make the choice to get married and start a family together, kinda like that Next Best Thing movie. But it was actually about women who married men who were pretending to be or believed at one time that they were straight. Anyway, most of the couples split amicably, but one couple, Sam and Dave, decided to create a marriage on their own terms, in which they raise their daughters and live as man and wife in every aspect — even still share a bed — except sexually. You know, to each his own, but I came away from it thinking that Sam was settling for a raw deal, since Dave is going out having gay weekends in Brighton, and she's at home with the kids and celibate. Clip above.

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I'm a hetero woman, intentionally married to a gay man. We live in separate homes, and we lead discreet separate sex lives - but in public (and in real life) we are a very happy and devoted couple. He has terminal cancer, and we got married so that I could be part of his treatment, and make sure his evangelical Christian mother doesn't plan his funeral. We are totally devoted to one another. This works for us - and I think that's how we have to approach these stories. What we think of as "normal" may not be for others.