The array of whimsical toppers at Ascot's Opening Day, the Oscars of Hats, led us to inaugurate the first annual Arbitrary Hat Awards, cause who doesn't like being gratuitously judgey?

Pippi Longstocking Memorial Award for Excellence in Braiding.

Lifetime Achievement Award


The Creationist Award for Excellence in Literalism

The Edgard Allen Poe Memorial Award


The Gamfield Award in Chimney Sweeping Possibilities

The Frank Lloyd Wright Award for Excellence in Form and Function


The Martha Stewart Award for Excellence in Ribbon-Curling.

The Alice Waters Award in Locavore Excellence


The Ray Krok Convenience in Snacking Award

The Pulitzer Award for Hard-Hitting Timeliness in Chapeaux


The Obligatory Award For All Royal Cousins in a Position to Introduce People to Princes, Even If That's Not as Exciting as That Used to Be Award

The Clark Kent Award fro Excellence in Crappy Disguises


The Inbred Talent for Looking Natural in Top Hat Award

The Henry Higgins' Mother Award for Wearing a Pink Hat to Ascot.

[Images via Getty]