Haters, Gather 'Round: Let's All Hate On the New McDonald's Tagline

McDonalds is in a bit of a pickle. It seems that people aren’t trying to get their Big Mac on quite like they used to. Profits are declining while Americans stuff themselves with Chipotle burritos. What is the largest hamburger fast food chain on Earth to do? They could focus on improving their product or perhaps score some positive PR by paying their employees a decent wage. Or, they could launch a brand new, completely inane and totally unnecessary tagline.

The Wall Street Journal reports that McDonald’s is preparing to launch a new campaign that will roll out during the Super Bowl.

Facing sagging profits, the fast food giant plans to launch a new advertising campaign starting early next year with the slogan “Lovin’ Beats Hatin'” — which aims to spread happiness in the face of Internet hate, said people familiar with the matter.

The ad push will not replace McDonald’s longtime catchphrase “I’m Lovin’ It,” but seeks to give it broader marketing heft around the world, said a person familiar with the campaign.

Lovin’ Beats Hatin’. OH DOES IT NOW? What McDonald’s fails to realize is that hating on stupid things is a boatload of fun and in many instances, is much better than loving something. For that reason, I am now going to hate on this aggressively wack campaign.

The new tagline “aims to spread happiness in the face of Internet hate.“ Did somebody appoint McDonald’s as the Internet Niceness Czar and not tell anybody? Is that their job now? Or is their job to sell goddamn hamburgers and french fries? Also, clearly no one involved in the creation of this tagline has ever been on the internet if they think that a slogan is going to help anything.

And for the record, since when has McDonald’s been the target of some large-scale internet hate attack? Does anyone really care that much? Besides, someone needs to explain to McDonald’s that people liking other restaurants more is not the same as them hating you.

I feel like some marketing executive heard his 14 year-old nephew complain about “the haters,” and just ran with it because The Youth Is Cool.

Is this really the best they could come up with? They have all that money, offices full of overpaid marketing executives with MBAs and I’m sure more than one creative agency on retainer and this is the culmination of those efforts? Lovin’ Beats Hatin’?

McDonald’s spends almost $1 billion on advertising per year. Do they honestly believe that that’s where the problem lies? That people not buying their food is something that can be fixed with a jaunty tagline that makes them sound like a high school guidance counselor?

Hey McDonald’s, SHUT UP AND DON’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO. I rebuke your tagline and I invite everyone to sip on some haterade with me. Because when one of the largest companies on Earth tries guilt you with faux-positivity into putting more money in their pockets, they deserve our absolute best, top-shelf, pink slime-free hate.