Hark, Peasants! Feast Thine Eyes Upon Gwyneth's New Cookbook!

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Actress, "singer," goop-slinger, and noted Veela Gwyneth Paltrow is releasing her second cookbook this coming April, and you can take a peek at it on Amazon right now. Hubristically titled It's All Good: Delicious, Easy Recipes That Will Make You Look Good and Feel Great, it's a book about what the Childlike Empress eats "when she wants to lose weight, look good, and feel more energetic." Which, if the cover photo is any indication, is just crates and crates of raw zucchini. ("This is popular human feed crop, yes? As you can see, I relate to you and your normal human bodily hungers!") Om grom grom nyom grom gromph!


It's All Good appears to be an attempt by Gwynniechrome, the Rainbow's Daughter, to dance down from her celestial home and dine among the corporeal for a day or two. It's a down-to-earth departure (you can tell by the zucchini) from her first book, 2011's My Father's Daughter, which offered straight-faced advice like "pantry must: duck bacon!" and the best condescending lecture on factory farms that a 19-year-old Leonardo DiCaprio had to offer. It's All Good is similar in tone, but with more pseudo-nutritional mumbo-jumbo about "cleansing" and "elimination." God, I love her. So. Much.

Via Eater, here's the Amazon description:

Gwyneth Paltrow, Academy-Award winning actress and bestselling cookbook author, returns with recipes for the foods she eats when she wants to lose weight, look good, and feel more energetic.

Last spring, after a particularly grueling schedule and lapse of overindulgence, Gwyneth Paltrow was feeling fatigued and faint. A visit to her doctor revealed that she was anemic, vitamin D deficient, and that her stress levels were sky high. He prescribed an elimination diet to clear out her system and help her body heal. But this meant no coffee, no alcohol, no dairy, no eggs, no sugar, no shellfish, no deep-water fish, no wheat, no meat, no soy, nothing processed at all!

An avid foodie, Paltrow was concerned that so many restrictions would make mealtime boring, so, together with Julia Turshen, she compiled a collection of 185 delicious, easy recipes that followed her doctor's guidelines. And it worked! After changing her diet, Paltrow healed totally, felt more energetic and looked great. Now, in IT'S ALL GOOD, she shares the go-to dishes that have become the baseline for the restorative diet she turns to whenever she feels she needs it. Recipes include: Huevos Rancheros, Hummus Tartine with Scallion-Mint Pesto, Salmon Burgers with Pickled Ginger, even Power Brownies, Banana "Ice Cream," and more!

Ugh, FINALLY. I've been waiting my whole life for a fake British person to teach me how to heal my system by flushing out all of the deep-water fish residue and replacing it with "ice cream." I feel cleansier already. 2013 is gonna be grrrrrrrreat!



Honestly, all those things sound delicious, but things like salmon burger are out of my price range. We eat very simple foods because ingredients are $$$. Things like mint and pickled ginger have zero place in my food budget. (Yes, I do grow my own herbs, but I gave up on mint.)