Today is National Coffee Day, because for-profit organizations that sell coffee keep telling us so. The exact details of how National Coffee Day began are shaky, (because I didn’t look and it doesn’t matter) but I assume that Starbucks and a bunch of coffee manufacturers got together and decided that, dammit, it’s high time they be recognized for selling brown water at inflated prices.

So now we have this bullshit “holiday” where people who most likely drink coffee every single day, continue to drink coffee. Most coffee retailers who you assume would participate are indeed offering mediocre promotions and overusing the hashtag.

However, you’re probably thinking, “But Kara, isn’t there a company that has absolutely nothing even remotely to do with coffee that’s trying to coerce a payday out of this farce of a holiday?” Why, yes there is.

American Eagle took National Coffee Day to launch it’s new line of coffee- infused denim. They got the word out with help from three former tween actors and Bryan Greenberg.

Hilary Duff, Vanessa Hudgens, this Gregg Sulkin guy and Bryan Greenberg have all posted ads that are not tagged as ads but are quite obviously ads for American Eagle’s weirdo coffee jeans. Notice how they’re all holding coffee? Clever, huh?

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Now, what the hell is coffee infused denim and whyyy? Unfortunately I didn’t find good answers to either question. According to Racked, used coffee grounds are a “vital aspect of the jeans.” But just HOW vital?

Since coffee grounds have a natural deodorizing quality, these jeans are also able to ward off smells and will help keep your pants going for a few extra wears. The coffee-infused jeans also protect the wearer from harmful UV rays. And for those concerned about smelling like you spilt coffee on yourself, worry not. The coffee grounds used in the jeans have been treated to remove the fragrant components, like phenols, esters and oils.

Not that vital, it turns out. This silly marketing strategy opens the door for the whole “chicken or the egg” conundrum. Did American Eagle already have these jeans ready on September 28th of 2014, but decided to sit on them for an entire year before National Coffee Day rolled around again?

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I like to think that some marketing peon at American Eagle alerted his or her boss to National Coffee Day and that executive then went to the design team, threw a bunch of coffee grounds on the ground and told them to figure something out.

This is our world now.


Contact the author at kara.brown@jezebel.com .

Lede image via American Eagle and Hilary Duff’s twitter.

Click here to view this kinja-labs.com embed.