Halloween Jerk to Hand Out Notes Telling Trick or Treaters They're Fat

A local busybody in Fargo, North Dakota has decided to take America’s child obesity epidemic on herself this Halloween by only giving candy to the trick or treaters she deems thin enough to deserve candy. The rest of the kids — those the woman deems “moderately obese” — get notes telling their parents to stop having such fat kids. Looks like we’ve met North Dakota’s entry in this year’s Miss Shitty America pageant!

The letter’s journey through the peristalsis of social media started yesterday morning, when a woman called into local radio station Y-94 to announce that she’s Very Concerned about other people’s children and was therefore only giving candy out to the thin (good) ones this year. She then emailed the note to the radio station.

Here’s the note in full and [sic], via ValleyNewsLive,

Happy Halloween and Happy Holidays Neighbor!

You are probably wondering why your child had this note: have you ever heard the saying, “It takes a village to raise a child?”” I am disappointed in “the village” of Fargo Moorhead. West Fargo.

Your child is, in my opinion, moderately obese, and should not be consuming sugar and treats to the extent of some children this Halloween season.

My hope is that you will step up as a parent and ration candy this Halloween and not allow your child to continue these unhealthy eating habits.

Thank You.

In addition to being offensively badly punctuated, this letter simmers with an inches-from-rage effervescence that’s difficult to capture, so bravo, anonymous lady, I guess. During her call to the radio station, the woman added,

I just want to send a message to the parents of kids that are really overweight… I think it’s just really irresponsible of parents to send them out looking for free candy just ’cause all the other kids are doing it.

That’s exactly how I feel about stupid adults and talking in public.

Obviously people are upset (and by “upset,” I mean “upper Midwestern upset” like the guy in the linked news report who says “seems inappropriate to me.” I’m from the upper Midwest, and that’s a thing we say when we’re fucking pissed) and handing out letters to kids telling them they’re too fat for holiday cheer is terrible, but I’m taking this with a grain of Radio Stations Pull Stunts All The Time salt. Did you know a lot of those *cRaZy* calls the stations feature on morning shows are actually paid actors calling with strategically nutty and pre-designed stories designed to froth up the listeners? I know a woman who used to do this. This sounds right up their fake alley.

But the authenticity of the woman’s intentions don’t matter; what really sucks is that this story is crazy, but not too crazy to be believed. How many of us don’t know a person who feels how this woman purports to feel? And Meme Roth had a brief career as a pundit based on being “worried about” (hating) fat people (herself). On the other hand, this flirts with being too perfectly stupid to be real, especially since handing out letters telling candy-starved, anonymized children that they’re too fat for fun is a great way to ensure yours is the house that gets “tricked.”