Haley And Elaine Are Best Friends Who Hate Each Other. Can A Blog Save Their Bond?

Illustration for article titled Haley And Elaine Are Best Friends Who Hate Each Other. Can A Blog Save Their Bond?

"Haley" is one of those overeducated-underemployed, vain-but-deep-down sweet, funny, drunkorexic thirtysomethings olds living in the den of suspended hipsterlescence that is Portland; "Elaine" is a "reg" who used to be something of a hipster-lite but got married and knocked up and obsessed with her Judaism. They're those best friends who have grown to hate each other, and my God Tolstoy could have made to Oprah's book club a second time if he had addressed that one, but in the meantime Haley and Elaine are kind of OMG addictive. Because, see, instead of letting their resentments fester and form fodder for Carolyn Hax columns, they've decided to let it all out on the internets like a real-time "Can This Friendship Be Saved." Here's Elaine after a birthday trip (Scorpio, natch) to the (kind of awesome bar) Doug Fir.

Sadly, the night just confirmed what I have known for some time: I have the superior life. That Robby from Good for the Jews - what a Jonah! - is the kind of man you should be dating: funny, creative, Jewish and obviously very smart. He graduated from a REAL Ivy League college - not the hippy commune you attended.

Um, what's a "Jonah"? They have an ingenious popup.

N. According to Elaine, Jonah is the type of guy Haley (and any other smart, attractive woman with a pathetic dating track record) SHOULD be with. He is college educated, at least 5' 10", Jewish, and creative. He is a highly successful architect or advertising exec, yet enjoys spending his free time working with at-risk youth, painting and playing his guitar. Jonah has the talent to be in a sought-after, commercially successful band, but he believes there's more to life. Jonah has a wonderful family. His mother stayed home to raise her children but has lots of hobbies including water color painting, interpretive dancing and philanthropy. Jonah's dad is a retired corporate lawyer who now does pro-bono work three days a week. Jonah's parents have beautiful vacation homes in Santa Barbara and Vail. Jonah's younger brother is a documentary film maker and an all-around mensch. Usage: "Enough with the Jakes* and Philips*, Haley, your Jonah is out there."


Anyway, I could read this crap all day if I didn't have to write my own crap, but Editorial Assistant Maria is on the case. In the meantime, why aren't there more blogs about friendship? You know, the relationships we are actually having. Girl Gone Child

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HA! I also immediately think of Jonah Goldberg. Which pretty much sucks every sexual desire I've ever had completely out of my body.