For those of you who wish you could workout in peace without being interrupted by an, "Excuse me: has anyone ever told you (fill in the blank)" by a well-intentioned but clueless man who just ruined your workout and/or day, rejoice, for a seminal, satirical guide on how to chat to women at the gym awaits, written by a guy who both goes to the gym and also writes for a living.

Via Bullett:

Despite thousands of data points of evidence to the contrary, a lot of men still haven't gotten the idea that the vast majority of women don't want to be hit on at the gym. For them, years of polite but curt patter or preemptive fuck-off-face aren't a case for why they should just shut the hell up and let people go about their business, they're an argument that they need to try harder, as if conquering the interaction with women hurdle is like beating a personal best on the squat rack, (although anyone who knows where the squat rack is, like me, the guy who works out the right way, probably isn't wasting their time at the gym making it a social hour to be honest.)

"Fuck-off face." Comes packaged with Eastern European genes, so.

But I digress: the list itself is the best part. Personal favorites include:

1) Excuse me, are you using this machine?

2) Do you know if someone else is using this machine?

A duo, grouped together like dueling pianos. And:

9) Was that guy hitting on you? What a skeeveball, unlike me, the guy who knows how to talk to women.


(Enjoy the remaining components after the link.)

Image via Shutterstock