Great News: For Only $29,000, This Agency Will Name Your Baby

Illustration for article titled Great News: For Only $29,000, This Agency Will Name Your Baby

Most people want the best for their kids, but this, I don’t know.

Bloomberg dives into the naming economy, with men like Marc Hauser of the brand agency Erfolgswelle in Switzerland, which got its start naming companies and transitioned into naming kids—for $29,000. That price includes around three weeks and 100 hours of people working on your infant’s better-be-perfect name.

Though Hauser thinks that approaches rating baby names strictly by data (and not emotion) are “overrated,” his firm does check to ensure that a baby name has not already been trademarked. “Even when it’s a little close to an existing brand name, it will not survive,” he said. Historians also vet the name to ensure it goes not have “an aggravating past.”


To boot, Hauser says he’d never be able to name a new baby his own name, “Marc,” because “it’s connected to the name of an ancient Roman god of war.” I don’t know! Hauser seems to be doing well for himself.

In New York, Sherri Suzanne heads My Name for Life and charges a more reasonable $300 to start. She says parents often come to her when they can’t agree on a name or need an “American” name that international family can pronounce.

While this practice might sound crazy, it’s been around for quite awhile in countries like South Korea and India, where parents get advice from spiritual leaders on names.

“A shaman came over to our place and did a ceremony when I was a couple weeks old,” said Seung Lee, a 23-year old San Francisco resident who was named through this process in South Korea. “The shaman gave a couple names for us to mull over.”

To each their own, but I’m not paying a stranger $29,000 to name my kid.



I’ll name your baby for a few papa john’s gift cards. That one is Boy Samantha. That one is Aubergine, That one is Gary.