Gorilla Named Patrick Sent to Gorilla Therapy for Being a Sexist Jerk

Behold the majestic lowland ape. Marvel at his strength, his wildness. His complete inability to get along with ladies.

A 430 lb gorilla named Patrick has been sent away from the Dallas Zoo to a special therapy camp for, I don’t know, jerk gorillas, because he just can’t seem to get along with anyone. Especially females. The Daily Mail reports,

Dallas Zoo officials said Patrick gets along fine with humans but not with other gorillas.

They said they have tried repeatedly to socialise him with the other gorillas, particularly the females, in the hopes that he might get along and even breed.

Instead, he bit one female and sneered and nipped at others.

What a fucking elitist prick. Reminds me of a guy I knew in college… named Patrick.

Patrick has long been a “problem gorilla;” he was hand raised by people and only really connected with one other gorilla, an old penmate named Jabari who was shot dead by Dallas police after escaping from his enclosure and mauling someone in 2004.

Friendless and terrible with women. Something tells me Patrick would be a big hit on the Gorilla Internet.