GMA Anchor Pie Segment Achieves Peak Morning TV

Peak morning television has been achieved. I repeat: peak morning television has been achieved. Cancel all of the shows and send all of the perky people home to annoy the shit out of their friends and families.

Like many Americans who are at home during the morning hours, amateur baker Kristen Abbott likes to have some background noise as she gets her day started. We’ve all got our ambient morning sound preferences—I prefer heavy, ponderous silence or Morning Edition while my coworker Kate Dries prefers Today, for example. Kristen Abbott is into GMA. Really, really into GMA.

Abbott is so into GMA that she made incredibly thoughtful and delicious-sounding custom pies for each of the show’s anchors. George Stephanopoulos, fresh off interviewing Mike Brown killer Darren Wilson, is now thoughtfully listening to a devoted fan explain why she combined baklava elements with the White House apple pie recipe as an homage to him (What a world, Stephanopoulos must have been thinking). Lara’s was inspired by cupcakes, a charity she’s involved in, and coconut. Ginger’s was based on a Michigan-specific type of fudge and, Abbott explained authoritatively, “that sweet and salty combination that you like.” Amy’s was warm, salted butterscotch.

But the highlight of the segment was one that cameras didn’t have much time to dwell on: Robin Roberts fucking crying over her pie, which Abbott made based on Roberts’s mother’s Christmas punch recipe. “It tastes just like it! It does! It does! It’s so good! But it tastes just like my mama’s…” she trailed off, tearing up.