There was almost-good. There was kinda-bad. There was 80's-bad. And then there was bad-bad. When it came to disappointing fashions, Golden Globes 2011 was a bonanza.
Now, in some ways I admit I'm being harsh, because if some of these gowns had stood alone — rather than making for a decadent 80s-palooza Dynasty effect — they might have been okay. So think of this as a trend indictment. I mean, the color of this Marchesa is amazing on Amy Adams; but overall the effect is just a little Carrington. (Alexis, not the Bloomsbury artist.)
Ditto Christina Hendricks. She looks kind of amazing, but the gown is slightly reminiscent of Oscars '88.
The excess fabric used in this crop of gown's embellishments — see Elisabeth Moss' bustline — could clothe a small village.
Again, ambivalence: the emerald of Mila Kunis' Vera Wang is gorgeous, but I wish she'd done something fresher.
The normally flawless Milla Jovovich is mummified by the swathes of this Armani Privé.
Then there were the "no-cigar" fashions: looks that were almost great. Take Eva Longoria's Zac Posen: kind of stunning, but the cleavage level detracts from the elegance — while launching a thousand "Golden Globes" jokes.
I love the cut of Gabourey Sidibe's gown, but the glittery pattern wears her slightly.
There's nothing flat-out wrong with Jennifer Lopez's Zuhair Murad, but the shawl is a slightly mumsy touch.
Halle Berry always looks amazing, this is understood. But I find this multi-layered Nina Ricci spectacularly underwhelming.
I'm sorry, I just don't like the rose on Natalie Portman's Viktor & Rolf. I get it, but I don't like it. And if anyone could make me a believer, it's she.
I think January Jones actually looks fabulous in spite of her gown, which I find confusing without being interesting. Still, props for taking a risk.
Here, all my ambivalence flees. I love Marc Jacobs. I love the 70s trend. Hate Heidi's busy, frowsy dress.
Christina Aguikera — and Zuhair Murad — seem to have blurred the line between Burlesque and life.
This could maybe have been an okay maternity gown circa Valley of the Dolls.
Another popular trend? "Crummy-looking." In this category I'd place Megan Fox's Armani Prive.
We can also throw in Jennifer Love Hewitt's castoff wedding gown.
And Julianne Moore was apparently dressed by Flora, Fauna and Meriwether...before they get their magic back.
[Images via Getty]