Gingrich Quits Ailing Campaign for Hotter, Younger Campaign

Reminder: Newt Gingrich is still running for President. Now that you've remembered he's running, here's a new thing to file away in the ol' Gingrich folder you have stinking up your brain: he's planning on quitting.

According to aides, the bombastic professional John King scolder will have to find another country to elect him President so he can build a colony for his ex wives on the moon. He's planning on announcing his withdrawal from the Presidential race on Tuesday, which will leave Mittens Moneybags Etch a Sketch Poopmobile Romney alone in the Republican race (unless you count Ron Paul, type several dozen impotently enraged Ayn Rand fanboys simultaneously).


No word on what he's planning on doing after dropping out, but, if we can predict future performance based on past behavior, I'd be willing to bet he's already got another campaign lined up. A younger one. Blonde.


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