Babies and small children, unfortunately, are ill-equipped to fully appreciate Christmas. Their little hands can’t hold things, nor can they grasp the concept of gifts. They’re built that way, and it’s no one’s fault. While their lack of comprehension doesn’t render them completely useless, it does make it hard to decide what to buy them this time of year when they can’t physically hand you a wish list or tell you what they want in intelligible non-baby speak.
Babies should still be able to enjoy this holiday like anyone else. If you’re stuck on what to get for the important, oblivious little ones in your life (and by proxy, their parents), here are some ideas.
No one wants to raise a racist baby. Think of the child’s future and get a bundle of baby books in various languages, so the kid can know there are non-white people in the world and learn about cultures other than his/her own. Later down the road, they’ll be able to say things like, “It’s called being cultured.”
Tickle Tickle, amazon.com, $6.99 (paperback)
Please, Baby Please, amazon.com, $6.99 (paperback)
Lan’s Plant, amazon.com, $4.99 (paperback)
Also a valuable, educational gift to help raise smart babies. It could do the child in your life a world of good to learn foreign languages early in their development, according to my common sense studies. This is also a great way to subtly hint that the parents might be racist. (UncommonGoods, $37)
Kids like sparkly things and cute objects like tulle skirts and ballerina outfits. A benefit to this gift is that it’ll last through several school years and angry prepubescent phases. (J. Crew, $60)
The baby may not be old enough to form comprehensive thoughts on intersectional feminism, but it’s never too early to learn to seek equal pay. Onesies are so incredibly comfortable that certain adults wear them religiously. (cafepress.com (Alternative onesie), $22)
For artisanal babies, consider buying these tiny leg warmers, moccasins or drop-crotch joggers that say, “I’m here and I’m stylish.” It also helps parents show off that they’re totally cool and know how to do fashion.
Mocassins, hipsterbaby.com, $36
Joggers, aliexpress.com, $15-$20
Fire truck leg warmers, hipsterbaby.com, $12
Fact: Babies love baths and water in general because, according to science, it closely resembles their time in the womb. Both the baby and the parent will adore this because it’s both practical and considerate. For some reason, baths never go out of style. (giggle.com, $70)
Don’t just think of the baby. Think of the woman behind the baby. What will make her feel comfortable and appreciated? A nice robe that feels good to the touch. It’s especially thoughtful for work-from-home blogger moms who’d rather not bother with putting on a t-shirt. (neimanmarcus.com, $83)
It’s cold as hell and people love wearing blankets around this time for that reason. No one loves blankets more than tiny kids. They lay in it, they bite it, they drool on it—it’s perfect, dammit. One could say a blanket is a baby’s first friend. (Land of Nod, $129)
Here’s a cute jumper for eco-conscious babies who care about what they put into the world and on their bodies. It’s expensive for a baby jumper, but chances are the Earth-loving granola parent you’re gifting it to will be overjoyed, which is perhaps priceless. (Noble Carriage, $56)(Alternative: Goat milk striped organic union suit, $40)
Babies are the only people in the world allowed to cry over spilled milk (it’s an old proverb) and speaking of milk, a nursing scarf is the gift that says: Yes, go ahead and freely breastfeed in public. (Nuroo Baby, $30)
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Images via their respective vendors; Illustration by Gawker Media’s art team