Homeless Dudebro: 'It's Not Like I Forgot How to Get Pussy'

"If you're not getting laid, you're an asshole."

That's how Elite Daily's profile ("Insights") of a man named Joe starts out. Joe earned their amusement and fixation because he happens to be a "millennial" who is handsome, white, has sex with lots of women and happens to be homeless. The article accompanying the video starts out with a sublimely timeless question: "If you were homeless, could you still pick up chicks?" Oh boy. Joe, it seems, is a remarkable character because he's mastered the art of scoring with ladies, despite the fact that he is homeless.

Originally from Boston, Joe, 26, may spend his daylight hours panhandling in Manhattan – making up to $150 on a given day – but his nights are a completely different ballgame. If you don't think Joe looks homeless, well, that's only because he's good at what he does. According to Joe, his only responsibility is to not look homeless. In his mind, his appearance is a survival tactic.

Joe spends whatever money he makes on keeping his appearance up, in addition to copious amounts of drugs and booze, with one goal in mind: attract as many girls as possible.

For Joe, sleeping with a lady is his only chance at sleeping with a roof over his head. Joe uses his charm and good looks to sleep out with chicks three to four nights a week, where he'll shower and enjoy an evening away from the streets.

First of all, it's time we all let go of this bullshit notion about what does or doesn't "look homeless." It only feeds into the notion that poor or homeless people are only allowed be gifted with our sympathy and aid if the appear and act downtrodden enough to satiate our humanitarian whims. If you want to know what a "homeless person" looks like, go look in a mirror. Because there's nothing about your physical appearance that is special or sanctified enough to save you from possibly ending up on the streets one day.

The idea that this is the first or only homeless person to barter sex for a place to clean themselves or a warm bed is what is absolutely the most fucking laughable aspect of this story. Countless homeless people—straight women, gay men, straight men, trans women, gay women and others—resort to sexual favors in exchange for basic necessities. It's a matter of survival and far from being a novelty, it's quite the norm. But because Joe is a straight, white man who looks like your old frat bro who you occasionally chill with at Hooters, he gets a week of deep analyzing and introspection, as if he's somehow special. In blunter terms, this is the face of white homelessness. That he warrants a feature on Elite Daily out more than 55,000 homeless people in New York City'is pretty telling. OMG A WHITE DUDE WITH GOOD ABS IS HOMELESS. Alert the Justice League at once!


All of this is incredibly tedious. ("It's not like I forgot how to get pussy just because I fucking became homeless." But while I know that a lot of people are going to be totally fixated on the Homeless Pickup Artist aspect and yes, there's a lot that we could roll our eyes at about the obnoxious demeanor he displays for the cameras. But what I see when I watch this video (and I watched it four or five times, just to make sure this was what I kept getting) is a person who clearly has some issues with drugs and alcohol. "If I would just not do drugs and not drink for a week, I could get a fucking house," Joe says. Again, this isn't uncommon either. Hopefully, whatever attention this guy gets from this video leads to less awestruck high fives from dudebros enamored by how a homeless dude can get so much pussy and some actual treatment and help.

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From the video it seems like Elite Daily thinks this guy is really cool and that this is a chill story, bruh. Maybe it's just me, but I think this is really fucking sad.