The new Free People catalog arrived, and it is full of fugly: Mismatched patterns, awkward layers, misshapen knits and (yikes!) elephantine bell-bottoms. If you love sleek, polished, pretty and sophisticated clothing, you're out of luck! Oh, the catalog has a rather "international" look, to be sure, but it's not as "jet set" as it is "oppressed proletariat." Bolshevik babe duds have a place in this world - just not in my closet. Faux-rustic ensembles for the plebe in you, after the jump.

Fall is coming! Time to hunker down in your non-existent off-the-grid cottage and figure out a way to eat when you've spent all your cash on clothes!

We The Free bomber jacket, $248; Wild At Heart dress, $228; Barolo buckle boot, $498.

Ew. Really, there's not much more to say. I'm tempted to write something about the way impoverished (non-Western?) people wear items of clothing and put certain ensembles together in an effort to just be clothed and not in a fashion-conscious way; and we shouldn't romanticize paupers; how it is important to remember that new, unworn clothing for style purposes is a privilege not everyone on the globe is lucky to know, but really, when it comes right down to it, "Ew" is a more appropriate statement to make in this particular situation.


You have to wonder if the woman on the right knew what she was getting herself into. Was she paid? Is she a model now? Ah well, this catalog loves using people as accessories.


Looks like someone stood on the breadline and actually got bread! The difference between dressing like a Hans Christan Anderson fairy tale and living one is that the Little Match Girl could never have afforded those $498 boots. By the by, you can get a first-edition HCA book for about the same price.


Wow, schoolgirl-gone-wild. How innovative. And expensive!

Buckled up menswear dress, $148; pleated skirt dropwaist skirt, $88; diamond pointelle over the knee socks, $24.

While mixing patterns can be bold and beautiful, this combination is annoying and jarring to the eye. Plus! Does this look like a $500 ensemble to you? It's $456 not including the tights or the boots.

Road to discovery top, $68; pleated camp skirt, $98; dripping knit scarf, $78; ribbed surprise over the knee socks, $24; Scouts charm necklace, $188.


Attention people who hate skinny jeans: Look at what is coming down the pipe. Are you happy now?


These "rugged herringbone pants" are $98, but the unflattering crotch and thigh area is free with your purchase.

How much for the couch?


Really? Seriously? Dear Free People: Your "vision" for fall makes my eyes hurt.

[Free People]

Earlier: Anthropologie "Vignettes": Forcing Us To Look Forward To Fall

Free People: Someone Watched The Darjeeling Limited Before Booking This Photo Shoot

Summer At 'Free People': Crafty Crocheted Crap, At Twice The Price Of Thrift Stores!