Fred-Willard-Penis-Gate Continues: Actor Says It Was 'All a Big Misunderstanding'

Illustration for article titled Fred-Willard-Penis-Gate Continues: Actor Says It Was All a Big Misunderstanding

Following his arrest for lewd conduct, Fred Willard's lawyer released a statement today: "With all due respect to the individual officer, our belief is that Fred did nothing in any violation of any law. We will be working vigorously to clear his name in this matter." And the dude who runs the theater totally has his back. "Police officers arrested him suspiciously," he said. "I did not see anything." You know what, universe? If you don't want people to masturbate in porno theaters then you should probably stop playing porno in porno theaters. The only tangible effect of this whole operation is that now I have to KNOW about Fred Willard (allegedly) masturbating in a porno theater—and that mental image is your fault, police people! Can't Fred Willard just masturbate in peace? For ONCE? Well, apparently not. Willard was promptly fired from his new PBS series Market Warriors, "given the unfortunate news reported today." Yes. Because we couldn't possibly allow known masturbators to appear on television. People who have definitely never masturbated: Charlie Sheen, Ryan Seacrest, Joy Behar, Al Roker, Turtleman, Neil Patrick Harris, the cast of Jersey Shore, Bobby Flay, and literally everyone else you have ever heard of. Nope. It's only Fred Willard. Thank god justice has finally been served. [TMZ] [E!]


Illustration for article titled Fred-Willard-Penis-Gate Continues: Actor Says It Was All a Big Misunderstanding

Some creepy dude is stalking Seth Rogen's darling wife, Lauren Miller. Miller claims that the dude, 31-year-old Yasin Ajani, came to their house and tried to trick their maid into letting him inside. When she said no, he went ahead and took a creepy nap on their porch. "Ajani allegedly told police, 'voices told me to go see and talk with Lauren.'" Miller has obtained a restraining order, but says, "I cannot sleep at night and constantly check through the windows and the surveillance system for Ajani." [TMZ]

Illustration for article titled Fred-Willard-Penis-Gate Continues: Actor Says It Was All a Big Misunderstanding

Aaron Sorkin went ahead and fired basically the entire writing staff of The Newsroom today, minus his ex-girlfriend Corinne Kinsbury. "Sorkin is known to be a very hands-on writer who scripts or co-writes every single episode, so it's unclear whether the laid-off staffers will be replaced or whether Sorkin will go it (mostly) alone." [Vulture]

Illustration for article titled Fred-Willard-Penis-Gate Continues: Actor Says It Was All a Big Misunderstanding

Joseph Gordon-Levitt has apologized for his bonehead comments about pretty girls not being funny:

I was embarrassed. Sometimes the words come out really wrong, and sometimes the words come out really wrong in front of thousands of people. I do apologize. In our culture, girls do tend to get pigeonholed. And I was trying and failing to pay [Emily Blunt] a compliment about the fact that she really succeeded in avoiding those traps and not getting pigeonholed, and even though she's a very good looking young women she is so funny and plays such a badass and a strong woman in Looper.



  • Pete Townshend calls Mick Jagger's penis "huge and extremely tasty." [HuffPo]
  • SNL writer Tom Davis—who collaborated closely with Al Franken—has died of cancer at age 59. [Yahoo!]
  • Lea Michelle is "proud" of the last season of Glee. Um...Lea, did you watch the same last season of Glee that I watched? The one with all the weird racism and that part when a high school student helps his gym teacher lose her virginity? THAT ONE? [E!]
  • Even skinny jeans are too baggy on Anne Hathaway's freakish bird legs, says the Daily Mail! W-evs, she looks adorable. And also Morgan Freeman is there for some reason. [DailyMail]
  • Here's fucking a million pictures of Lauren Conrad on vacation with her boyfriend. [ONTD]
  • Ugh, thank god Jordin Sparks got a new body in time for bikini season! I was SO WORRIED!!! [JustJared]
  • These two human sleeping pills are dating again. [Us]
  • Madonna threw a very loud and annoying party nextdoor, and it was just going on forever, and I'm very old and I'm tired, and please hurry, I'm so tired. [DailyMail]
  • Kate Middleton's necklace costs $78,000, and I'm supposed to be surprised by that for some reason even though she literally LIVES IN A CASTLE. [People]
  • Christina Milian is still famous? Anyway, she wore this hideous bathing suit. [DailyMail]
  • John McCain is going to be on Parks & Recreation. [Vulture]
  • Despite concussing the fuck out of her brainz, Halle Berry is back on set today. [TMZ]
  • Rapper The Game has announced, via Twitter, like ya do, that his wedding is off: "The rumors are TRUE. The wedding is OFF. It's not her fault, it's mine! She's a GREAT woman, I just wasn't man enough 2 see it through." [E!]
  • Morgan Freeman gave a MILLION DOUGHLARZ to a pro-Obama Super PAC. [Reuters]
  • Ali Landry is blogging about her staycation. If you can think of a more boring sentence than "Ali Landry is blogging about her staycation," kindly leave it in the comments. [People]

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Big understanding ... working vigorously. Yep.

For Chrissake!

Picture this. High school. Michigan. 1984. I was sitting in a home ec class, and doing a Cosmo quiz with another girl, just because she happened to be sitting at the table. Then, I came to the question, "How often do you masturbate?" to which I said, "ewwww!" The girl looked me in the eye, and said, "Why? You do it, don't you?"

Which proved her to be cooler than I'll ever be — that she owned that shit, and made me own it, too.

Fred Willard, own that shit! I do. Laura in home ec does. The late Ernest Borgnine did. The cop that arrested you does. The clown who fired you is a BIG wanker Unless you were stroking to Best in Show, I have your back — actually, even then I'm cool with it. What stiffens your crank, as long as no one gets hurt, is your business.

Keep working vigorously.