Frazzled Mom Victoria Beckham Drives Off, Leaves Kid Behind

Illustration for article titled Frazzled Mom Victoria Beckham Drives Off, Leaves Kid Behind

Working moms are subject to a lot of pressures, and Victoria Beckham was clearly at their sleep-deprived mercy when she started to drive her son Brooklyn to school and got halfway there before realizing she didn't bother to make sure he was, you know, actually in the car. "I jumped in my Range Rover, put the car seat in, put my iPod on and drove to school. And then I realised I'd left Brooklyn in the kitchen! I was driving along, talking away, and all of a sudden, I looked down at the seat, and I was like: "Shit! Shit! I've forgot something,'" she said. "Harper was in the car, I was in the car, and we were on the way to school – but we did not have the child who needed to go to school. I got down the road, and literally had to turn and drive straight back." Of course it was no big deal because Brooklyn is 13, but as a wee infant Harper might want to put the number of child services in her Baby's First iPhone just in case there's a repeat performance. [Daily Mail]


Illustration for article titled Frazzled Mom Victoria Beckham Drives Off, Leaves Kid Behind

Her detractors – namely, Kelly Osbourne and the boys from some band called The Wanted – have called her everything from a bitch to a fat bitch, but now both parties are apologizing to Christina Aguilera. Sort of. Asked to say three nice things about the singer by Andy Cohen, Osbourne says: "I think she's looking way better right now, she's got a great voice and she's got a beautiful son." Boy bander Tom Parker followed that by saying though she was pretty cold he's sorry for calling her a bitch. "The rest of the judges were really nice, and she didn't even walk over to us and talk to us. We apologize for the comment." [Us, NYDN]

Illustration for article titled Frazzled Mom Victoria Beckham Drives Off, Leaves Kid Behind

Zoe Saldana says she'd consider getting fake boobs, but that isn't the story here. It's her constant use of the word "titties," which tickles me in all the right places. "'Buy yourself a pair of titties.' I heard somebody tell me this once and I was like, 'You know what? You're absolutely right. Thank you for that,'" she said. "And it just hit me, like, 'Why not? But yourself a pair of titties' … [if] an old man was having a midlife crisis and can buy a Porsche and date a 17-year-old, I can buy myself a pair and be the sexiest soccer mom you've ever seen." [Us]

Illustration for article titled Frazzled Mom Victoria Beckham Drives Off, Leaves Kid Behind

While it's totally understandable that Charlie Sheen would be pissed about New York strip club Cheetahs naming a room in his honor – wherein patrons eat sushi off the bodies of women surrounded by framed photos of the actor, which seems like a health hazard/acid flashback just waiting to happen – if he's not getting a cut of profits, complaining that it could damage his reputation is pretty laughable. [Page Six]

Illustration for article titled Frazzled Mom Victoria Beckham Drives Off, Leaves Kid Behind

Sure, kids of famous people probably have a few more outgoings than the offspring of non-specials on account of security and all that, but Linda Evangelista is really going for it when working out the child support payments that she wants billionaire François-Henri Pinault to cough up for their son Augie, 5 – asking for $46,000 a month. "She's in for a big surprise," said divorce lawyer Raoul Felder. "I wouldn't be counting the money yet." [NYDN]

  • Lindsay Lohan was out the other night until, wait for it, five am! Editors of tabloids everywhere tut their disapproval. [Page Six]
  • After Nicki Minaj failed to sign on the dotted line in time, Azealia Banks has been announced as one of the big name performers for the Costume Institute gala next week. [Page Six]
  • Manhattan-based stalkers are going to have to fill up their tanks, because Madonna has been renting a $6 million mansion in Water Mill in addition to the $35million Upper East Side property she owns. [Page Six]
  • She got her break as a Sports Illustrated model but Brooklyn Decker says she hates showing off too much on the red carpet. "Because I'm such a tomboy, I hate showing off my body," she said. [Page Six]
  • Speaking of bikinis, LeAnn Rimes celebrated renewing her vows with Eddie Cibrian the only way she knows how – by Tweeting shots of herself in a bikini. [Page Six]
  • Also taking photos of herself on vacation, Rihanna looks depressingly stunning sans fards. [NYDN]
  • Chelsea Handler played her cards right when she asked a delivery service to bring cigarettes to her place for the sum $500. Once they got there she realized she'd left her wallet at work and made a friend pay. [NYDN]
  • I forget that Alexander Skarsgård used to be in the Swedish navy, which is a flagrant waste of porn fantasy opportunities. [E!]
  • Jennifer Lopez's former chauffer says he was stiffed by the star. [E!]
  • Wanna watch Jessica Alba get her ear pierced? Nor do I, but I still clicked. [Us]
  • Now she's declared bankruptcy there is only one way to rise her 10,000 kids, according to Nadya Suleman: porn. Though she said she'd never turn to it in the past, she admits she may have been too hasty and is now considering solo scenes only. "If the opportunity comes up I'll be the first to admit: I'm gonna eat my words!" she said. "I won't touch other human flesh. The only flesh I'm touching is my own. I would never, never accept anything. I will not lose my grip of my deeply indoctrinated morals and values." [Us]
  • Wow, that was fast, Suleman has already signed a deal. It'll be shot in summer and released right after. [TMZ]
  • John Mayer's song "Shadow Days" is a "farewell letter" to his ex-girlfriend of forever ago, Jennifer Aniston. He needs to let it go. [Us]
  • Hold on there, Khloé Kardashian's rep says that her client hasn't given Khloé and Lamar the boot, adding that production is just on hold. [People]
  • She knows that overzealous fans come with the territory, but Scarlett Johansson just asks that you don't stick your camera in her face when she's trying to have a meal. [Ministry Of Gossip]
  • The gods are smiling down on us today with the release of performance artist Courtney Stodden's captivating new single. And, yes, it's all about "lust." [Radar]



I'm trying to imagine something less sexy and more boring than Octomom masturbation porn.

Jon Lovitz tease and denial porn? Nah.

Duggar family impregnation porn? Not quite.

Danny DeVito/Rhea Pearlman sex tape? Nope. Would work for novelty value.

The closest I can come up with would be a Gene Simmons/Paris Hilton sex tape - and only if she looked as bored as she did in "One Night In Paris." And, that might at least have some kink value to the small penis fetishists.