For Obvious Reasons, Most Nudists Prefer Dump Dinners

“Dump dinner” is a term used to describe a one-dish, usually oven-ready meal preferred by busy parents—and apparently nudists—across America.

Recently, the Florida Times-Union published a few of the American Association for Nude Recreation’s favorite nudist dishes, and perhaps predictably, none of them included fried chicken or beignets. Instead, all the meals involved either dry or creamed soup, a casserole dish or Dutch oven, and an oven set to the standard 325-350 degrees. A recipe for lasagna Florentine that I kind of want to try includes mayonnaise, perhaps to avoid the unsightly and painful genital burns that might come from sloppily stirring a traditional Bechamel.

All of these recipes read like the index cards my mom used to copy from Southern Living in the early ‘90s and keep filed alphabetically atop our refrigerator, save for the fact she was generally clothed in the kitchen. Unlike my beloved late grandmother who was reportedly caught by her daughters multiple times completely naked, dripping wet, and lighting a Doral on the stove. But that wasn’t nudist hobby cooking, just an old woman who enjoyed a mid-shower smoke. However, my grandmother would not have been up to the AANR’s rather limiting guidelines: “As a general rule,” they warn, “nudists are encouraged to stay away from meals that require any grilling, searing or frying lest they sustain serious burns to their unprotected bodies.”

And before you ask why my grandmother could not have just “grabbed a towel” or these nudists could not just “find an apron,” no one’s shitting on your hobby. Let naked people enjoy their naked stuff.