For No Reason Whatsoever, Real Housewives' Simon Has Recorded A Song

Simon van Kempen — otherwise known as the weird, foreign, and rainbow-adorned husband of The Real Housewives of New York's Alex — has officially joined the gang of Bravo reality stars who've crossed over into the world of music-making.


But before Simon goes ahead and pats himself on the back for his cross-genre nightmare, let's take a second to recall the other horrors this exclusive club has birthed:"Money Can't Buy You Class," "Tardy For the Party," and "Google Me." In other words, Simon's single is just as terrible as the rest — prompting us to wonder if Andy Cohen has a music producer on speed-dial for whenever one of his reality minions mention the slightest desire to make music.

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There's no way that upper torso has ever met the lower half. Real, my ass.

As for the song, it would have gotten major play at the Wearhouse in Nashville in 1980.