Florida Politician Might Be the Worst Sexter of All Time

Illustration for article titled Florida Politician Might Be the Worst Sexter of All Time

Florida House Rep. Richard Steinberg is under federal investigation for his inappropriate, bumbling attempt to woo a married attorney via a series of terribly unsexy — and unsolicited — sexts. How is it that in this day and age, grown-ass adults are still incapable of sending a decent sext? It's not that difficult.


The first key to sending a sext is to make sure the person you're sexytexting is interested in receiving your sexytext. In Steinberg's case, his target, Assistant U.S. Attorney Marlene Fernandez-Karavetsos, was very much not into his overtures. Using a program that disguised his number, Steinberg sent dozens of texts over the course of three months to Fernandez-Karavetsos, who asked him repeatedly to stop.

The second key to sending sexts: make sure you are not cheating on someone, or encouraging someone else to cheat. That's just tacky. According to the Tampa Bay Times, Steinberg is married and has children. Fernandez-Karavetsos, his unwilling sext partner, is also married. Bad form.

Third: if something would sound dumb said aloud in real life, then for the love of LOL, don't send it in text. Using the Yahoo screen name "itsjustme24680," Steinberg kicked off their textual relationship with a message that read "Sexxxy mama?" He also asked her about her infant son, naming him, and inquired about her sleeping patterns like a big fucking creep. Other rules of sexting: no dick pictures, and no being a creep.

Good lord. Has our public education system completely failed us?

Steinberg has come clean, admitting his role in embarrassing himself, his family, and the fine art of sexting.

[UPDATE: Originally, his party affiliation was misidentified. Let's take a moment to remember that sleaze sees no color and can come in blue, red, black, white, or Florida.]

Florida lawmaker under investigation for bizarre texts [Tampa Bay Times]


Thermos Maker, VIP

I don't understand all these grown-ass adults doing all this stupid shit.

You're a fucking politician. Do you honestly think your shitty, unrequited sexts would remain anonymous and silent? Do you not read the fucking CIA reports and know what kind of technology is out there? Fuck. Do you not at least watch Fox News on the regular? You will ALWAYS be traced, ALWAYS be outed, ALWAYS be humiliated, ALWAYS ruin your life. I'll say it again — ALWAYS.

Fucking morons. At least this is a surefire way to oust a bum from office.