First Impressions: It's A Shitshow At Baby Phat

Illustration for article titled First Impressions: It's A Shitshow At Baby Phat

Double the people, double the fun: Both Dodai and Moe are set to cover the Baby Phat show, so we're going to try a dual live-blog. First up, Dodai, who's actually made it to the venue. Dodai, 5:57: "It is absolute chaos right now, with cops, security, and celebs I can't place." 5:58: "Diddy's mom?" 6:01: "The British fashion lady with bright copper hair and rosy cheeks." 6:04: "Mary J. Blige!!' 6:07: "I'm inside." 6:11: "I am in mezzanine it's actually a great view and I have a stool so not standing. Sitting at railing!" 6:12: "Ivanka Trump!" [That's Ivanka above, posing by herself, if you can believe it. -Ed.] 6:16: "Okay, everyone who has a real seat has a giftbag. :( " 6:18: There was a cigar girl but instead of cigars she had test tubes of vodka cocktails. Totally downed one." 6:21: "Photographer says he is staking Star Jones." 6:24: "Moe texted to tell me she is at the bar of course." 6:25: "I can't get up and join her because I'll lose my stool!" 6:28: "Mya is here, pretty violet dress." 6:33: "I'm so tired. Show me clothes already!"

Illustration for article titled First Impressions: It's A Shitshow At Baby Phat

6:34: "Should we put bets on when this will start? I think never." 6:34: "Nick Cannon. In a hoodie, with like, Hawaiian flowers, WTF." 6:43: There is a search for the next Pussycat Doll and a cheetah girl." 6:43: "Animal names are the new black." 6:44: "I'm tired." 6:45: I wonder if Kimora only plays Def Jam artists." 6:46: "For solidarity with husband who is dating someone else." 6:46: "Shit my cousin works for Kimora she'll be mad if I say bad things, haha." 6:51: "Maybe Moe can bring me a drink." 6:55: "Jamie Lynn Siegler." 6:56: "Star Jones, Danyel Smith from Vibe." 7:02: "Russell Simmons!" 7:05: "Djimon Hounsou!!!" [Uh-oh. -Ed.] 7:06: "It started. Swimsuits!" 7:06: "Bright blue top with yellow short shorts." 7:07: "Striped tank with white jeans. Yummy male models." 7:08: "It's very bright, very beachy." 7:09: "I don't like the big gold bags but I do like the slinky white jumpsuit." 7:10: "Um, these shorts are mad short." 7:11: "Giant gold bag." "Boys' shorts have glitter???" 7:13: "I think this is all Baby Phat and then KLS? Wow hot blue mini dress." 7:14: "Strapless and belted in electric blue. This is def not Baby Phat. Way more grown up. 7:15: "Pretty halter dress a green bodice and floaty yellow skirt." 7:16: "But also some tight and short stuff. I just noticed Megan Fox in the front row." 7:17: "Wow, long black gown. More wow long hot pink gown, seriously stunning." 7:18: "Not sure if this purple thing is a top or dress I mean, model has no pants but OMG." 7:19: "Rainbow ombre gown meh. Sides are cut out." 7:19: "Oh, hot pink caftan! Floor length! Love." 7:25: "It's over. Kimora and daughers came out to bow. They walked over to Russ. Now Russell & Djimon just went backstage." 7:26: "I'm gonna go in search of booze."

Moe: 6:47: "No signs of show. But we are seated! A logistical quirk: getting to my seat required stepping on feet of numerous front row seat occupants. "OMG I'm so sorry! So sorry!" "No really, it's okay" there's a mystery head of crazyhair I keep passing, decked out in the type of outfit I'd only ever witnessed on Macy Gray. But the hair is so huge I never see her face. I'm convinced it HAS to be Macy Gray, even though I never imagined Macy Gray would be 6 foot 2. Is that racist? Anyway, Mary J Blige is in row 1 and I think I smashed her toe but was too mortified to look back. We are seated beside the Rocky Mountain News." 6:58: "Lenny Kravitz just walked in in a plaid western shirt and sunglasses, followed by an anonymous blond, followed by, Lenny Kravitz in a plaid western shirt and sunglasses. Is this an optical illusion? My friend says she sees it. They're now posing with Q-Tip?" 7:06: "Ok, swimwear. These are that type of swimsuits that have so little fabric they'd make a stripper feel immodest but it's okay because there's more surface area covered up by your actual jewels than jewel toned Lycra." 7:08: "Omg white male Abercrombie type models in rhinestone hoodies... Hahahahaha" 7:10: "The cool thing about Baby Phat...ASIAN MALE MODEL ALERT! Holy shit hot ok... As I was saying, the cool thing about baby phat is that, like, girls who wear shit like this actually walk like that. Hahaha white abercrombie model now being forced to wear rhinestone studded denim shorts." 7:14: "Typical ensemble: hot pink denim jean jacket, buttoned, with puffed sleeves and blue graphic on back, bedecked in gold studs and doodads, paired with a hot pink denim mini, bedecked with same studs and accented with an array of gold chains. Modeled to the song "Roxanne." unironically. I mean, no yeah: unironically." 7:14: "Something tells me models are wearing extensions. Just a little something." 7:16: "A woman emerged in a flowing magenta gown accented with a two and a half inch rhinestone belt. I laughed. It just came out. Woman next to me looked profoundly confused." 7:21: "Maybe it was the Fembot Fatale cocktail (clementine vodka, tonic, grenadine, OJ and ginger) but this is the first show. I actually wished was longer. KIMORA is coming out! Whoa she's been master cleansing. Could not see kiddies. God that was good. " 7:22: "One model, blond in royal blue dress that was literally so short she had to walk with her hands practically glued to the hemline. LOL."



S'okay Moe. According to journalists I have known throughout the years, a hell of a lot of stories are filed from bars.