Finally, a Masturbating App Will Lift the Veil on Lady-Boners

Humans, being the strange little animals we are, generally love to crawl away to a dark corner of our private spaces and masturbate. But. What if we didn’t have to crawl away to a dark corner and ululate like a crazed werewolf as we relieved a day’s worth of stress and anxiety? What if masturbation wasn’t a shameful reminder of our primate progenitors, but rather a jauntily animated app with a pink, vagina-shaped mascot that said things like, “Oh my, I’m getting all hot and bothered” when a user executes the proper finger-blasting technique?

App designer Tina Gong has created such an app, aimed mainly at further dissipating the cultural stigma associated with masturbation in general, and with female masturbation in particular. Sure, the Internet loves to talk about the sundry ways in which men tug on their penises like velociraptors trying to figure out doorknobs, but not enough people talk openly about female masturbation. At least, that’s according to a little infographic from Happy Playtime, which shows that 46.6 percent of women masturbate less than once a month. (Happy Playtime’s gleeful mascot also reports that women in longer relationships tend to masturbate less.)

The app, Gong explained recently, is just a fun way for people to learn techniques and facts about getting off. Masturbating becomes easier to talk about when you use cartoons, and though we should all probably be a little more grown-up when we talk about the depressingly ordinary functions the physical prisons we call “bodies” carry out on a daily basis, we need to face the reality that masturbating is funny. Cartoonishly funny.