Filipino Traffic Police Forced To Wear Adult Diapers For Papal Visit

In anticipation of Pope Francis’ 5-day visit to the Philippines next week, authorities have announced that the 2,000 traffic cops on duty during that time will be required to wear adult diapers.

Francis Tolentino, Metropolitan Manila Development Authority chairman, is really confident about this plan, noting that the diaper policy was “well received” by his men. (Um, would love for you to define “well received,” Non-Pope Francis.) Then the chairman, ever prescient, decided that fuck it, maybe everybody should just wear diapers:

Tolentino says there won’t be enough portable toilets for the millions of people expected to see Pope Francis hold an open-air Mass at the seaside Rizal Park on Jan. 18.

“If you attend an event that will last for 24 hours, you cannot go around looking for a (portable toilet),” Tolentino said.

Priests, nuns, seminarians, and the elderly also should consider wearing diapers, he said.

Because why should a city pay to install portable restrooms? Y’all can just poop yourselves and shut up about it, already!

When asked if he will also don that diap’, Tolentino told the AP, “I will try, but in my case, I have less hydration.” Totally, yes, roger that. Believe you me, this man will go far in 2015.