Father's Day Miscellany For Those Of Us With Deadbeat Dads

I used to work at a popular women’s magazine where I once pitched a guide to brides with dads who weren’t dead but weren’t around — I’d never seen anything like that before, and I figured there had to be a lot of women (myself among them) who were confused about the etiquette. Do you ask some 50-something dude you’ve had weird lunch with like three times to walk you down the aisle just because you share genetic material? Can you ask a male friend to do the father/daughter dance? Can you just invite your dad but not have him in the wedding? Is that weird?

The editor of the wedding section of the magazine sent me an email back that brusquely explained: “That’s not really our demographic.” Whether she was pigeonholing all so-called “deadbeat dads” into some kind of racial or socioeconomic category that didn’t “apply” to the readers, or she had deluded herself into thinking that every woman who picked up the magazine was from a Norman Rockwell painting of a family, or there were orders from above, OR there was some less offensive reason she said that, I’ll never know.

• While they still may not know how magnets work, Insane Clown Posse is releasing a Father’s Day Jam entitled “Fuck My Dad (Richard Bruce),” which Violent J. says will appeal to anyone with a deadbeat dad. Or anyone who is a Juggalo. Or the Venn Diagram overlap of where the twain meet. [Zimbio]
• Christ. These heart wrenching No Father’s Day cards — started by Neil Heslin, the father of a six-year-old lost in the Newtown shooting, as part of a movement to draw Congress’ attention to gun control legislation — will make you feel horrible, and also grateful for what you do have. [Buzzfeed]
• In the days leading up to Sunday, the Chicago sheriff’s department is chasing after men who owe up to one million dollars in unpaid child support — 75 in total. As of yesterday, they’d found and arrested 25 men who owed $400,000 total. [CBS Local Chicago]
• “Carrie Got A Bad Rap: Beloved Literary Kids With Deadbeat Or Absent Dads,” a self-explanatory list on The Hairpin. If you, like me, have nothing to celebrate on Father’s Day except a lot of teenage angst and a few really shitty romantic choices, read one of these books. You are not alone. You are, in fact, in interesting company. The fatherless, at least according to literature, are a tough, wily bunch. [The Hairpin]
• You also have something in common with the Tenenbaum children! And you didn’t even have to be one of those undergrad tools who comes to class dressed like GOOPy.

• That money you would have spent on a tie from Thomas Pink or wherever? (Or not?) Can buy you approximately 10.5 tequila shots at a hotel bar, or your mom that Vera Bradley handbag she wanted.

I plan on taking an Ativan and seeing the worst romantic comedy I can find. You?