Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

Fantasy Kardashian-Jenner League, Week 13: Postponed Due to Inclement Weather

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This is the thirteenth week of Jezebel’s first annual Fantasy Kardashian-Jenner League, a fantasy league about the Kardashians, the Jenners, and closely-related family members. The rules are here. Playoffs begin January 9, 2016.

There but for the grace of these adorable children goes Week 13, situated in a perfect storm of inclement weather, inclement travel plans, and the overall hellishness that is a side effect of the holiday season. Though the league has postponed games very few times in its history, and even less so en masse—during various player’s strikes in the 1980s, and just after 9/11—Kardashian royalty dictates a more flexible rulebook, owing to last-minute cover shoot plans and purposeful schedule shifts to subvert or accommodate the paparazzi.

And so today, December 30, 2015, the Commissioner and a majority coalition of Fantasy Kardashian-Jenner League Team Owners have made the executive decision to postpone this week’s games, in wait of more favorable circumstances. We do not take this decision lightly, particularly considering unexpected and League-altering developments over the past week, including the reemergence of injured players Rob Kardashian and MJ Shannon, whose individual gains in Week 13 shall be reconsidered next week on a case-by-case basis; but as a whole we are influenced by our spiritual and occupational predecessor, Pete Mozelle, and his decision to let his teams play directly after the assassination of President John F. Kennedy, a decision he would later regret his entire life. In deference to the lesson, we shall not make the same mistake.


Our mission is only to serve the League, the players, and the fans to the best of our abilities. We appreciate your patronage, and will return for Week 14 on January 6, 2016. May you have a fortuitous New Year.


Freedræch von Beedlebaught


Fantasy Kardashian-Jenner League

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Image via Kim Kardashian Instagram