Things I knew about Chris Brown before today: almost nothing good. Things I now know about Chris Brown: He owns 14 Burger Kings.

Chris spoke to Us Weekly for their always riveting feature “25 Things You Don’t Know About Me,” in which celebrities share things about themselves that you don’t know in an attempt to get you to know them better and make you feel close to them. Let’s explore Chris’s, shall we?

1. I am a neat freak.

There’s nothing to refute this claim from MTV’s tour of Chris’s then-unfinished home from a few years back, but we all know people clean up when company comes over. Photos from the interior of his home show a very neat closet, and an unmade bed. Hmm.

6. I paint monsters that are mirror images of people’s negative views of me.

10. I love to paint murals, and then I donate most of the profits to charity.

To clarify: not the mural that he painted on his house, which his neighbor hated, that we can presume is a monster that is a mirror image of people’s negative views of him. Other murals.

8. I don’t bite my tongue.

Yes, that’s certainly true.

11. I recently went to church for the first time in 15 years and loved it.

16. I talk to a pastor twice a week.

From 2012: “Chris Brown Speaks About Humble Beginnings in Church; Experience With Holy Ghost

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From 2014: “Chris Brown tweets ‘Thank you GOD’ after early release from jail

17. When I was 6, I witnessed a relative attempt to commit suicide.

Oh...

Quick, let’s move on!

18. I’m a man of many emotions.

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20. I smile a lot because this world doesn’t allow for people to cry.

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Chris Brown leaves court where he and his attorneys rejected a plea deal that would have found him guilty of simple assault on June 25, 2014 in Washington, DC. Brown was arrested on misdemeanor charges October 28, 2013 after allegedly assaulting Parker Adams outside the W Hotel in Washington, D.C.

3. I’m the only singer who has been incarcerated and had a No. 1 record at the same time.

This is very likely true.

24. Success or money never changed who I am as a person.

So you were born this way.

25. I think the best thing God created was a woman.

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Mmhm.


Contact the author at dries@jezebel.com.

Images via Getty and AP