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Facebooked: The Art Of Choosing A Picture

Illustration for article titled Facebooked: The Art Of Choosing A Picture

One of the primary challenges of modern existence is that of crafting the Facebook profile. How to make clear, in a few well-chosen words, that you don't really care about this, but, incidentally, are incredibly awesome and have impeccable taste with a flippant but mordant sense of humor? How much to write? How little? How ironic to be? Nothing, however, is so loaded as the choice of picture. The picture, after all, is visible even to those whom you don't know - the casual surfer, the middle school crush, the ex-girlfriend. You also don't want too many pics of yourself, lest you be branded an insecure narcissist.

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I am a Facebook schizophrenic. I am so wildly unphotogenic that every time someone takes a picture of me I post it wildly in the hopes I will look less scary. This is never, ever the case. I am sure I have pictures up there that could make even the most jealous old or new girlfriend feel complacent. When I started isolating the different categories of picture, I was going to search for different people online and block their faces when I realized, hey! I've had almost every single one of these up in my unsuccessful quest to not look awful! The only varietals I don't have are: Slutty, Glamour Shot, World Traveler. So, after a lifetime of trying to avoid people see my pictures, let's throw caution to the wind for the sake of journalism! Captioned gallery of shame, below

Illustration for article titled Facebooked: The Art Of Choosing A Picture
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Illustration for article titled Facebooked: The Art Of Choosing A Picture
Illustration for article titled Facebooked: The Art Of Choosing A Picture
Illustration for article titled Facebooked: The Art Of Choosing A Picture
Illustration for article titled Facebooked: The Art Of Choosing A Picture
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Illustration for article titled Facebooked: The Art Of Choosing A Picture
Illustration for article titled Facebooked: The Art Of Choosing A Picture
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Illustration for article titled Facebooked: The Art Of Choosing A Picture
Illustration for article titled Facebooked: The Art Of Choosing A Picture
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Illustration for article titled Facebooked: The Art Of Choosing A Picture
Illustration for article titled Facebooked: The Art Of Choosing A Picture
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Illustration for article titled Facebooked: The Art Of Choosing A Picture
Illustration for article titled Facebooked: The Art Of Choosing A Picture
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Illustration for article titled Facebooked: The Art Of Choosing A Picture
Illustration for article titled Facebooked: The Art Of Choosing A Picture
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Illustration for article titled Facebooked: The Art Of Choosing A Picture
Illustration for article titled Facebooked: The Art Of Choosing A Picture
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Illustration for article titled Facebooked: The Art Of Choosing A Picture
Illustration for article titled Facebooked: The Art Of Choosing A Picture
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Illustration for article titled Facebooked: The Art Of Choosing A Picture
Illustration for article titled Facebooked: The Art Of Choosing A Picture
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Illustration for article titled Facebooked: The Art Of Choosing A Picture
Illustration for article titled Facebooked: The Art Of Choosing A Picture

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DISCUSSION

jennyoh
Stranger Bird

I was so happy when my brother came to stay with us before our wedding, because his camera is like Ash's chainsaw in Evil Dead, i.e. pretty much grafted onto his hand and also TOTALLY AWESOME. So I knew I'd have a facebook picture or two I didn't have to crop the chubby midsection out of.

I've been guilty of the couples photo but it was a wedding picture so I think that's acceptable immediately post-wedding, right? Am still working on a Classy Slut picture, that sounds like my kind of category.