Extended Virgin Diaries Trailer Loaded With (Extremely Respectful) Sex Innuendo

TLC insists that it totally isn’t mocking the folks featured on its upcoming special Virgin Diaries. The trailer makes that abundantly clear by intercutting shots of a virgin describing her hopelessly idealistic image of her wedding night with scenes of her yelling, “I’m scared,” and “Ow, it hurts!” while she and her fiancé play on a seesaw.

As you’ll recall, a TLC rep said, “We’re not trying to make light of this or treat it in a sort of trivial way. We want to document these peoples’ stories and why they make this decision.” Let’s take a look at a bit of the transcript from the totally respectful and nonjudgemental documentary clip we just watched:

WOMAN: [On seesaw] I’m scared!” [Cut to walking in a field] I think that you should take a shower first, and then I’ll take a shower. Then I’ll put on my lingerie. Then I’ll come into the room.
MAN: And I’ll have a surprise waiting for you!
WOMAN: But I’ll have a surprise waiting for you and we’ll have our robes on and we’ll slowly take our robes off and then do foreplay and [woman makes grunting sounds on the seesaw] then have sex! [Back on seesaw] Ow, it hurts!
[Cut to CREEPY DAD, OR POSSIBLY UNCLE chuckling.]

Hopefully whoever edited this got a nice bonus. They really handled this young couple’s personal lifestyle choices in a dignified manner and created a clip that definitely won’t wind up on The Soup.

Okay, I know it’s unlikely, but screw you, TLC. I hope these kids had mind-blowing and not at all awkward sex on their wedding night.