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Everyone Has Received the Call to Star on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Except Tori Spelling

Illustration for article titled Everyone Has Received the Call to Star on the iReal Housewives of Beverly Hills /iExcept Tori Spelling
Image: Getty

Tori Spelling has had a perplexing few years! She’s battled a swarm of creditors, watched her childhood mansion get sold without her involvement, settled a Hibachi grill burn lawsuit with Benihana, and hawked Sodastream on Instagram. Discontent with her sprawling empire, the actor now claims she’s owed her own plot of land amongst Bravo’s Real Housewives. While promoting Beverly Hills 90210 on The Jenny McCarthy Show, she admitted that it “actually makes me really sad” that she’s never been approached by Emperor Andy Cohen and his many, many lackeys. (You can watch the incredibly short snippet below.)

Jennie Garth, meanwhile, turned down an offer from producers almost immediately! That should “make me really sad,” but it also delights me? The tragedy that defines this story is immense. Foremost, if a secret is shared on satellite radio and it only becomes news after some gossip blogs discover it—did it ever really happen? Garth has no interest in the trappings of reality television, and her career reflects that! (Her most high-profile project of the last decade was launching a subscription service called MomGiftBox.com.) The opposite is true for Tori Spelling! While we mourn for her, let’s revisit the most baffling moment in her storied reality television career.

If you’re looking to learn from her mistakes: Never put a potato in a bag before cooking it in a microwave. [CNN]

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Love is often dead! Today it is not. Speaking with InStyle for their 25th anniversary issue, Goop revealed that she and Brad Falchuk are finally moving in together.

“Married life has been really good. And now we’re moving in together this month. I adore my husband. He’s brilliant and deeply kind. I feel like he’s a real equal too. And he pushes me in the best ways. I really like being married. It’s fun.”

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An aside: Do you think the two ever talk about her time on Glee? I lay awake haunted by the realization the Goop and Lea Michele once drank deep from the same font of evil! And as diatribes on what is and isn’t “wellness” generally spring up in the wake of her presence, she casually shared her evolving definition:

“At this stage I’ve realized the secret to wellness is a little bit of everything. It’s sleep. It’s hydration. It’s nutrition and exercise. It’s not being toxic. It’s watching your tongue. It’s being around people who love you and who are honest with you. It’s about seeing Dr. Dray—the dermatologist, not the rapper—in London or Paris, whenever I can get over there. And drinking is part of my wellness program too.”

Thanks for the new mantra, Goop: “Whenever I can get over there!” [E News]


Before I forget, here’s Goop fighting with a hater on Instagram live.

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  • Courtney Stodden visited Marilyn Monroe’s grave in a Marilyn Monroe Halloween costume. [TMZ]
  • Rita Ora is currently in Ibiza. [Just Jared]
  • Porsha Williams is allegedly back together with Dennis McKinley. [Us Weekly]
  • It would appear that Constance Wu is on the outs with ABC executives. [Page Six]
  • Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra Jonas are looking for a “ginormous” mansion. [TMZ]
  • Former Bachelorette Hannah Brown on Tyler Cameron and Gigi Hadid: “Thank you, next!” [Us Weekly]

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DISCUSSION

HaHaYouFool
HaHaYouFool

Knowing what we all know now about Weinstein, and imagining what it must have been like for Paltrow to be on a Weinstein project pretty much 24/7 from about 1995-2008, this fucked up wellness obsession kinda makes sense to me. Even if she wasn’t personally attacked/raped/harassed/blackmailed/what-have-you, she was certainly subject to a hostile and abusive workplace for an extended period of time. That shit’ll fuck you real bad in the head. The idea of devoting yourself to “wellness” feels attractive, even necessary, when you’ve got shit like that going on. When you’re rich and famous and beautiful and you don’t have people to tell you you’re being a fucking dumbass and you need to get your butt into proper therapy and get on the right damn meds, I can see how that personal effort at “wellness” could spiral out of control into the insanity that is Goop.