Ever Dated Someone Who Was Licensed To KILL??

Illustration for article titled Ever Dated Someone Who Was Licensed To KILL??

In case you were confused, "Blackwater" is the media's new term for "those dudes whose testosterone oversupply eventually gets everyone in trouble, killed, etc." Just read their "creed," the "Eggnog massacre" was pretty predicable. But here's the thing: deep down you know sensitive thugs all need hugs! We were reminded of this when commenter Stacyinbean emailed us about a voicemail message her roommate had received once from her ex-boyfriend, a hot guy with a "RIDICULOUS body" who wound up being one of those Blackwater guys.

He called one night at 5 AM and left this INSANE 10 minute rambling message about how he was going to die in five years, they were going to send him somewhere he'd never come back from, he kept saying "I've KILLED people, Laura, I've killed people."


So here's our question: how much testosterone can you date?

None of the Jezebels had dated anything approaching the U.S. military, unless Jennie has, which I highly doubt. I dated a guy who owned a gun and went to Iraq and Afghanistan, but as a journalist, so yeah it doesn't really count. Tracie and I have both dated multiple dudes in porn, and I think I made out with an Israeli when I was there though I could have hallucinated that, which would mean I have kissed at least one dude who was technically trained to kill. But what about you?

(Also: I just skimmed this book on Blackwater that I bought back before I was functionally illiterate and there's no mention of the ladies except the ones in the porns they jerk off to. Are there any women mercenaries? Google so we don't have to, thanks!)

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Oh, and in college I dated a Marine who SAID he was in Grenada, but now that I'm looking at it I see that uh, no, he'd have *12* at the time. Hmph.

Anyhoodle, ranked up there with my top 3 worst dates. Now, he's a total uber-conservative cop for a small town and can't keep a woman to save his life (could be his S&M fetish of tying chicks up; the mere mention of tying up someone would bring on the boner). But he DID throw some awesome parties in college.