Erin Burnett Teaches Us To Use Terrible World Events To Our Advantage: An Inspiring Story Of A Blogger And Her Collection Agent

Illustration for article titled Erin Burnett Teaches Us To Use Terrible World Events To Our Advantage: An Inspiring Story Of A Blogger And Her Collection Agent

CNBC's Money Honey 2.0 Erin Burnett is profiled in today's Washington Post. Fittingly, we read the story while waiting on hold with one of the lawyers hired by one of our loan shark creditors and pondering whether it would be worth the $20,000 signing bonus to just go to Iraq right now and post between car bombings and such. Anyway, the story elucidates why, despite being nowhere near as hot, Erin is fast displacing Maria as the world's preeminent hot chick who knows about money.


Asked on "Hardball" about the repeated recalls of Chinese-made toys, Burnett said: "If China were to revalue its currency, or China is to start making, say, toys that don't have lead in them or food that isn't poisonous, their costs of production are going to go up, and that means prices at Wal-Mart here in the United States are going to go up too."


Somehow she got ridiculed for this incendiary linking of (duh) cause with (duh) money-saving effect, but we were inspired: Erin was on TV, right before our eyes talking about the Fed and the European Central Bank and all those huge financial institutions' deep-set paranoia that all those debt-saddled consumers out there were just going to default en masse.... and we realized that, much like shoddy Chinese manufacturing standards, there just might be a silver lining in this market especially for us...

Paralegal: I have to ask, is there any reason you just stopped paying your bills?
Me: Um, well I used to be a journalist. It's a dying industry, you know.
Paralegal: Uh-huh.
Me: But I got out of that racket. Now I have a "real job." So anyway, I've been thinking about this credit crunch, and I'd really like to do my part to help you financial institutions out, but I can't pay it off in full. But, like, if I pay half of this off now, and half next month, what can you do for me?
Paralegal: I was just about to offer you; if you pay it off now, I can knock off $2,000 and you'll be paid in full.
Me: But I can't pay it off all now. I can only pay half.
Paralegal: Uh, okay, well, let me ask.
Me: Thanks!
Paralegal: Okay, done!

Looking Good At CNBC (And Pretty, Too)
[Washington Post]

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God, how I love those phone calls. As if I didn't already know I fucked up my life by going into print journalism, I have to explain this to the collector over the phone.

I owe what? Shit. Really? $8,000? Wha — Can I pay it off in full today?!

Fuuuckk. Uh, I mean, no. In three installments? Uh, nooooo.

Ma'am I make $22K a year. How long have I what? Jesus. Like 8 miserable years. Yeah, I've been thinking about getting another job, it's just, y'know ... Tough down here to find something within driving distance. Going back to college?

Ma'am, isn't that what got me here in the first place?

So, will $100 tide you folks over until next month? Going once, going twice ...Talk to you next month, Alisha from the DOE collections department in Texas ...